


The Poison Rain

by Lizardbeth



Series: Understanding the Storm [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: BAMF Frigga, Gen, Loki Angst, Odin's Parenting, Parent Frigga, Parents & Children, Post-Movie(s), Protective Thor, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-23
Updated: 2012-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-14 21:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/519803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizardbeth/pseuds/Lizardbeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frigga and Thor battle Loki to save him from himself.  Words are Frigga's weapons and love is her strength, and she will not surrender this fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story follows directly after _Understanding the Storm_ ([AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/401556)) and _Understanding the Storm: Prelude_ ([AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/438657)). You should read those first.
> 
> Thanks to my beta hearts_blood! Pure MCU/post- _Avengers_ spec.
> 
> Warning: this story contains implications of self-harm.

* * *

 

Frigga mounted the stairs with a graceless step. She skirted the audience chamber, pausing a moment to look at Odin's throne, before moving on.

She ended up on the outside balcony. The air was crisp here, and she could see the stars and the shimmering aurora rippling above the city. She inhaled deeply, letting the peace of the sky fill her mind and trying to let it fill her heart as well.

A soft step interrupted her thoughts. "Frigga?"

She held out her hand, and Odin took it, moving to stand with her.

"He is so lost," she whispered, the ache in her heart strengthening, as if admitting it released her grief anew.

"What is lost may be found again," he reassured her, drawing her against his strong chest and she rested her head against him, taking consolation from his familiar nearness.

"It is much worse than we hoped," she murmured. He drew back, curious and concerned, and she looked up. "This madness… it is not wholly his own. He was saved by a power we know well, husband. Thanos the Eternal."

Odin hesitated. "You are certain? I saw no such influence…"

"I did," she declared. "There is a shadow in his mind."

Odin didn't doubt what she had seen, but did protest her conclusion. "Thanos is exiled."

"Exiled beyond the Nine Realms," she reminded him pointedly. "It is not impossible that he could have found a base of power beyond Yggdrasil. Loki did not say the name, but he did tell me an entity of great power saved him from the abyss. Only an Eternal or more has that power, and only Thanos would hate us so much, to want to take our son's anger and despair and grow his own madness in that fertile soil, like vines to choke out the light."

Odin was troubled, his eye looking far distant, as if searching for Thanos. But Thanos was hidden, lost in the shadows of some unknown realm.

"If Thanos rises again," he murmured, "he will want to reclaim what is his. We have not our strength of old."

"We are stronger," she returned. "We have Thor. And if we could return Loki to us--"

He didn't let her finish. "We first must ensure he will not ally himself with our enemy."

She couldn't declare that Loki wouldn't. She knew there was a part of him that didn't **want** to, but the dark thorns had a hold on him and until she could find a way to free him, he was a threat. If he took any of the powerful treasures he would be very nearly unstoppable.

She shook her head once, the momentary comfort gone from her as if it had never been. "In a moment's lucidity, Loki begged me to kill him," she murmured, clutching her hands together against her chest. "I cannot do that, I cannot, though all of Asgard and Midgard might say it is wise. He will return to us; I must hope even if he has none."

His hand closed over her shoulder. "We will hope together," he reassured her. "In this, I will be led by you, as you were the one who took him most fully into your heart."

 _As you should have_ , she thought, but did not say. It was a distance Loki had ever felt, even when he had not known why. She remembered finding him in a corner of the garden, upset and angry that Odin had complimented something that Thor had done, and had only criticism for him

"Think of how Thanos must have laughed to find Loki already so overcome with anger and despair," she murmured. "We should have told Loki the truth long ago."

"To have him return to Laufey and raise an army against us?" Odin asked. "There was no good time."

"He would never have done that." She held back a sigh. "Is that not part of the problem now? He cannot reconcile that he is what we have taught him to despise. He killed Laufey and he was prepared to kill them all in a desperate mad attempt to prove his loyalty to Asgard." She remembered Loki's sneering voice and poorly hidden anguish, _'I know what you fear and it's me. It always was_.'

She shook her head and faced Odin. "There was no good time, but surely any would have been better than his discovering the truth by accident? We avoided the truth because it was convenient for **us** , not for him. Now we reap the consequence of our selfishness."

He straightened, defensive at her accusation. "I must think of the good of all the realms --"

"Where is the good in expecting the worst of your own son?" she demanded.

"I did not," he retorted. "But he has ever been undisciplined and -"

"'Undisciplined'?" she interrupted, incredulous. "When did you do aught but discipline him?"

He kept his calm, but returned with irritation, "He needed that more than your coddling. At every turn you excused his lack of control and deceit, creating a spoiled, petulant child who lacks honesty and restraint."

Infuriated by the attack and blame, she narrowed her eyes at him. "He needed one person to love him for who he is without reservation, without distrust. One person to understand his strengths, and not see only what he was not. It is that love, not your discipline, that will bring him back. Unless you do not wish him returned to us at all." She flung the bitter accusation at him and turned her back, folding her arms, too angry to continue speaking.

After moment, he said quietly, "That is unfair and false."

"Is it?" she returned, still refusing to look at him. "Is it more unfair than your words? It is not **my** approval he seeks so desperately he was willing to destroy an entire race."

"Frigga…" But his voice trailed off into a silence weighed down by fault and truth.

From the archway behind her, Thor's voice sounded wary, "Mother? Father? What is it?" He approached between them, and said, "Loki causes discord between those who should be united. Do not let him divide you."

With an effort she put aside her anger and turned, smile on her lips to greet him. "We are not divided, Thor. We are disagreeing."

Thor looked from her to Odin and back, still seeming uneasy. "You do not often disagree in my memory."

She and Odin did not often disagree, and rarely so hurtfully, that was true. But this was a disagreement they should have had long ago, and had been festering in silence between them for a very long time. Loki's apparent death had made it irrelevant, but his return had prompted a need to apportion fault for where they had gone wrong in their raising of him.

"If ever you believe your mother is not a warrior, remember this, my son," Odin said, clasping Thor's shoulder but looking to her. "She is twice the warrior with words than you and I with spear and hammer."

The appreciation relaxed her shoulders and she smiled more genuinely, demurring, "Only when my brood is endangered."

"As it is now," Odin said.

"Danger? From Loki?" Thor asked. But she was less easily diverted, and her gaze met Odin's in acknowledgment that they needed to speak of more urgent matters, but nothing had been truly resolved. To discover he blamed her for Loki's intemperate acts was an unpleasant shock.

"Not from Loki, not directly," Odin said. "Your mother discovered something troubling within him."

That served as a reminder, and she crossed back inside to find the decanter and pour herself a draught of nectar. Husband and son waited patiently for her to speak, as she curled both hands around the metal goblet. "When I spoke to him, I saw an influence upon him. The creature who raised him from the abyss has put him in its thrall."

"The Chitauri?" Thor asked confusion. "Loki ruled them; they did not rule him. They were not strong enough to influence his mind."

"He was weakened in his time between realms, I am certain." She tried to keep her voice level and not imagine his fall, lost in the void beyond stars. Had she not seen the hidden shadow behind his eyes she could believe such a fall could drive anyone to madness. "But I agree, nothing we know of the Chitauri gives them the knowledge or power to pluck a stranger from the abyss, or create an artifact like the one he used on Earth." She looked to Thor, realizing its absence. "Where is it?"

"It was made inert, when it closed the portal." Thor answered. "I left it on Midgard."

"Pity. Access to the power signature might confirm my supposition of who it truly belonged to. But no matter, I am certain." She raised her face to Thor's to tell him the truth. "The entity that saved Loki was Thanos the Eternal, and it is his fell influence that strengthens Loki's fury and drives his desires."

Thor's eyes widened and he swallowed, looking sickened. "Thanos is controlling Loki?"

"Not controlling," she corrected. "Not exactly. But I believe it is …" Her voice faltered as she tried to find the words to explain. "A poison that keeps his thoughts down dark paths. When I spoke to him, he was free for a moment and filled with a terrible despair. He pleaded with me to kill him."

"No!" Thor exclaimed in horror.

"Of course I did not," she reassured him. "But it tells me he fears what he will do while in the grip of this shadow."

"I will keep him safely contained," Odin reassured them. "But Loki is only a part of the difficulties that face us, if Thanos rises."

Thor paced around the perimeter of the room, frowning. "Then both the Chitauri and Loki serve Thanos, ultimately. They attacked Midgard at his behest, to make Loki king."

"That was the least of its purposes," Odin said. "That force, though impressive, was not enough to truly conquer Midgard. It was a feint."

Thor stopped and regarded Odin with surprise. "Loki believes it might have worked to rule Midgard."

"Whether Loki truly believes that or not does not make it so," Odin said. "When I thought the Chitauri attacked on their own, it seemed they were mistaken about the force required, or Loki misled them about Midgard's numbers and strength. But Thanos is far wiser than that and would not have attacked without a deeper intent. The attack was meant to find what defense of Midgard we here could offer with the Bifrost broken."

"We turned them back. He will hesitate before attacking again," Thor declared proudly.

"No. I fear he will not," Odin disagreed and stood in front of the wall, creating an image of Yggdrasil within it. The passage between Asgard and the other realms a faint pulse where once it had been strong and vital bridges. "He has learned much about Midgard and us from the attack. We showed weakness, my son. Sending only you to Midgard's defense proved I cannot send an army to any other realm. Nor they to us."

"It is worse than that," Frigga murmured and touched the shining sphere of Jotunheim and traced a line directly to Asgard at the top of the tree. "Remember, Loki found new shadow paths to bring the Jotun here. If he gave that secret to Thanos, even unwittingly…"

Her voice trailed off, as the three shared a glance of dismay. Odin ordered Thor, "You must find out from him where the shadow path ends within Asgard, so that I may unmake the gate."

Thor nodded, looking grim.

"He will not reveal it," Frigga said, shaking her head sadly, but feeling certain that any interrogation would be futile yet. "His mind bends to conquest and power, and he knows the shadow path is his only route of escape."

"To carry the tesseract to his master," Thor added, heavily. "I brought them here, endangering everyone."

"You did as you should," Odin reassured him. "It is an old war for us; Midgard is not prepared for Thanos. But make no mistake - " his eye turned baleful on both of them. "Loki serves our enemy." Frigga opened her mouth to object, silenced when he raised his hand. "If you can truly free him, then I will welcome him home, but until that time, be wary of seeing what you wish to see. He has ever used his beguiling tongue and trickery to achieve his ends."

She nodded, unable to argue with the caution. "He was able to cast an illusion outside the barrier," she told him. "I was not misled, but another may be."

Odin's bristly eyebrows rose in surprise. "He has grown in power in his absence." He hesitated and nodded. "I will strengthen the barrier."

Odin departed to speak with Heimdall about locating the shadow gate more urgently, leaving Frigga and Thor in the room.

Thor circled the room again, seeming impatient and thoughtful. As she waited for him to organize his question, she removed the flowers from the large arrangement at the center round table and remade it, finding the task soothing.

"Mother?" Thor asked. "How can we help him? How do we bring Loki back to us and free him?"

Her fingers hesitated on the stalks. That was the question at the heart of everything now, and she hated that she did not have an answer. "I do not know, my son. But first we talk to him, be with him, until he understands we will not give up on him and that he has a place with us again." She replaced the last flower stalk and stepped back to look at the new arrangement, dismayed at how perfectly it now reflected her uncertainty. But it was the truth, and so she left it.

Thor looked down, hair hanging in his face, looking miserable. "On Earth, I begged him to return home. He spurned the offer, and he abjures any claim of brotherhood."

"My sweet brave boy." She cupped his cheek. "You are brothers, and in time he will remember that. He is lost in his anger and feelings that we betrayed him. Imagine yourself in his place, because you could be. What if I told you that you were of Jotun blood as well?"

His head snapped up for his eyes to meet hers, and she held his glance, her expression held still to give no clue whether it was true or not. He needed this lesson she felt, to understand what Loki had gone through.

Thor grew still, blue eyes clouded with a moment's uncertainty, before clearing. "It is not so."

She let the moment stretch, before confirming, "No, it is not. But for a moment, you wondered. Remember that feeling when you speak with him; remember that for him, that moment is true. In an instant, everything he thought about himself was overturned, and he has not yet found his way to acceptance."

He nodded slowly and she hoped he understood at least a little better. Thor was a passionate and empathetic soul, especially if he was led to understanding.

She headed for the archway. "Come with me, and listen as I speak to him again. You and I must combine our efforts and attack united."

"You speak as though this were a battle." Thor paced her down the long carpeted runner of the back hallway with the high arches that seemed as if they walked inside the skeleton of a great extinct beast.

"It is. And it is one I will not surrender."

They reached the landing at the top of the dozen steps that went down to Loki's cell. While there were pillars in the hall down below that allowed for unobtrusive listening, she thought on the steps was more certain to remain out of Loki's sight. Loki was going to lie to whoever spoke to him, but he would be more honest if he believed she was alone.

"Stay here," she told Thor. "Listen carefully. The words will most certainly be false, but Loki is not always as clever as he thinks he is and in the grip of strong emotion, he may give away some deeper truths."

Thor understood and waited on the steps as she went down to Loki's cell once more.

He was walking the perimeter of the cell, not examining it for weaknesses as she half-expected, but merely pacing its dimensions. He did not - or pretended - not to notice her, until his path brought him in front of the barrier again. "Returning so soon?" he asked. "Have you nothing else to do?"

"We are concerned for you, Loki."

"The monster is trapped very safely in the cell. There is no cause for concern." Then his lips turned up in a smirk. "Not yet."

"Are you planning an escape?" she asked to find out what he would say.

"The All-father made that quite impossible, did he not?" Loki mocked and his smirk widened. She had no idea whether that meant he had a plan to escape or he wanted her to think he did.

"There is only one way out of this cell."

"You have a limited imagination, if you believe that."

"Perhaps. Or perhaps I know something you do not. I know many things you do not, Loki; I know who plucked you from the long abyss and set you on this dark path."

He folded his arms and turned away with a scornful snort. "You know nothing."

"There is a reason he hid from you and did not give you his name. It is a name you know well from your studies and the name of our great enemy: Thanos the Eternal."

She could see Loki's profile as his lips parted and his gaze flickered, and she knew he was surprised by the news. "You cannot know that."

"Think on it. You know it is true," she said.

Loki spun back to face her and she could read his face that the revelation had put him off balance. He truly had not known. "That is impossible! I would have known."

"Would you?" she countered. "Would he let you know? Why would he tell you when it was easier for him to lie to you and warp your heart with his touch?"

"No, you lied to me!" he blurted angrily. "You're lying now. Trying to turn me against the one who saved me."

"Thanos did this to you, Loki; he is the one who turned you - "

"He saved me! He wanted me to take my vengeance, he gave me a taste of his power… If that was Thanos then I will gladly take him as my ally. It is what I wanted, and when I take the tesseract, we will cast all of you into dust!" He was glaring at her, shaking with emotion, and then stalked away.

She murmured to his back, "You mean when **he** takes the tesseract. He will never let you keep it." She hoped that would cast a little more doubt and his pride would resist the notion.

He faced her from the far corner, and smirking, his gaze lifted above. "No. It will be mine. I can feel it. All that power, right there for the taking…"

Her gaze followed his, realizing he was looking at the southern tower, where Odin had put the tesseract. A quiver of chill uneasiness slid down her spine at the proof that Loki knew where it was, even though he should believe the tesseract was with the other treasures.

Loki saw her dismay and his smirk widened as he strolled back to the barrier to taunt her. "Did you think to hide it from me? Tell the great king that he will never hide it so far that I cannot find it. I will hold it in my hand and none of you will be able to stop me."

He meant to horrify her with his thirst for domination, attempting to bait her into protest or revulsion. She laid her hand on the barrier and regarded him with a soft smile without speaking until he grew impatient and demanded, "You have nothing to say?"

"You already know what I would say."

"No doubt that I am terribly disappointing," he sneered.

"I would prefer to be proud of you. But I understand you cannot make that choice yet, my son."

"Do not call me that," he snapped. "I was your hostage to keep the dirty beasts in Jotunheim under control. But I have broken my leash and I no longer do Asgard's bidding."

"Thanos put a chain around your neck instead," she returned. "We gave you freedom, but Thanos gives only slavery."

He leaned closer and glared at her balefully. "I would gladly trade freedom for vengeance."

She refused to give a hair's breadth to him, returning, "And when your home is destroyed and you stand alone in the ashes, still chained to the whim of a monster who seeks only death, you will find your trade was foolish."

His eyes flicked away, before he returned lifting his face in pride, "When I have the tesseract, all will bow to me, including Thanos if he dares cross me."

She wanted to object that what he wanted was impossible, that he was not strong enough to defeat Thanos even with the tesseract, but she held her tongue. She wanted him to betray Thanos, and he would not if she built up Thanos as so powerful that crossing him would result in death and defeat.

"We will find out whose foresight comes to pass," she murmured. "I hope mine, because I want to find you home again. Yours would be too much tragedy to endure."

He took a step toward her. "It need not be that way. If you release me, I will spare Asgard." He hesitated and added, "Then I will take the tesseract to Midgard and all will be as it should be. The humans will kneel at my feet in their proper place."

She frowned, wondering why he would add the second part, when it spoiled any of the appeal of the attempted bargain. "We spare Asgard and Midgard best by keeping you here. That was not a serious offer."

"No, it was not," he agreed and crossed his arms, leaning up against the wall of the cell in a deliberately casual pose. "Maybe I need no release. Maybe I am exactly where I wish to be. Maybe I await a change in circumstance on my own terms, not yours. You will find out."

"I am sure I will. In the meantime, I will bring you food and drink."

He straightened as if leaning against the wall was giving something away. "I need it not."

"Perhaps not. But to my eyes, you are pale and unrested. I think you did not take care of yourself while you were away. We are not immune to exhaustion and hunger, Loki, even if we are not as needful as the mortals."

He opened his mouth to deny needing anything, but then perhaps realizing the foolishness of that pride with the woman who knew him so well, his lips twisted in a wry smile and he shook his head. "The food looked and smelled inedible," he admitted quietly. "I wanted none of it. But some of the drink was passable."

She wanted to ask how he intended to rule a people whose food he would not eat, but held quiet, not to spoil the peaceful moment. She smiled. "Then I know exactly what to bring. And I pray it will help you fight off this shadow of Thanos and return you to me."

He didn't retort angrily, but somehow it was worse that he was not in a temper and told her with distant eyes, "What you want is gone. Lost in the nothing. Let it go."

"Never," she declared. "I will return in a little while with a surprise from the kitchens. In the meantime, rest, my son."

He didn't protest the term this time, and she knew it was dangerous to feel as though she had won anything because of it. But still, she smiled as she walked up the steps to meet Thor on the landing.

"There is a plan," he declared, frowning worriedly. "Much as he did on the SHIELD flying craft. He bides his time and awaits an attack which will free him."

"Or he makes us think he does."

"Why would he lie?" Thor asked, confused, and she wanted to kiss his cheek for being so precious.

"Why does he lie about anything? Because it serves his purpose. Amusement perhaps, at provoking you and your father into preparing for an imminent attack which does not exist." She could see in his face he doubted that purpose, but Thor had not a drop of malice in his entire body so he did not understand motives borne from it. Which was, unfortunately, what made him such a target for his brother. "Go, ask him about the shadow path and the gate," she told him.

"He will not tell me, Mother."

"No, he will not. But I am curious about how he will answer."

He seemed reluctant as he walked down the steps, but he went. Frigga watched him, then signaled one of the servitors to make her request for a tray from the kitchens, before turning her attention on the discussion below.

But as she listened, she pondered Loki's words. He announced an obvious repeat of a strategy he had already used mere days ago, knowing that Thor would be on his guard for such a plan. Was Loki depending on his family's doubt and their not preparing for an attack? She thought about that, but decided that seemed unlikely. Loki favored misdirection and deceit, but he knew his father and brother too well to believe they would not prepare for war, when there was an open threat. A smarter ploy would be hold his silence, or attempt a misdirection about the actual target, not strengthen the defenses around him and the tesseract.

She might believe it was only an amusement for him, but he had not fought to obtain the tesseract when he had the chance in the throne room. He had never used it at all, despite his protestations of how much he wanted it. There was a curious disconnect between what he professed to want so aggressively and yet not only did he not seem to be reaching for it, but those pronouncements and desires were getting in the way of the goal itself. So then the question remained: why? The obvious, easy answer was madness, that his actions made no sense because he didn't make sense; that he had no plan, only wants and poisoned desires.

But as she listened and pondered, she became more certain that there was intent buried within his posturing.

* * *

tbc in part 2


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Thor felt great pity for Loki, trapped within that featureless cell. He knew it was deserved, for Loki had done great harm, but to see him thus so reduced still seemed wrong. But in the main, it was confusing, because it seemed so sudden - one moment they were fighting side-by-side, and the next, they were enemies and separated by this impenetrable barrier. 

Loki's arms were folded and he stared at the floor as Thor walked into view, and only slowly did Loki look up and greet his visitor. "Oh. You again. It must be a dull day in Asgard for me to have so many repeat visitors." 

"I came to ask you a question," Thor said.

Loki shrugged. "And I will answer it." 

"Truthfully?" Thor asked. 

Loki's faint smile flashed to a grin. "Maybe. If the question is interesting." He spread his hands and Thor knew it was an invitation to make a fool of himself, but he forged ahead, hoping his persistence would eventually wear Loki down. 

"What other paths do you use to enter the realm?"

Loki refolded his arms and looked bored. "You know that answer. The shadow paths." 

"Where is the gate into Asgard?"

"Come now, do better. I've awaited that one all day."

"That is not an answer. You said you would answer. Where is the gate?" 

Loki gave a sigh and then retorted with a grin, "Beneath your bed."

"Loki! Where is the gate?" 

Loki had not the slightest intention of revealing the secret, Thor knew that as the smirk widened and Loki asked, "Worried?" 

"Did you tell Thanos how to enter?" Thor demanded.

Loki stopped giving him ridiculous answers, but his non-answers were no less frustrating. "If his army appears within the boundary, you will have your answer." 

"How do you get inside? How did you let the Jotun inside without using the Bifrost or Heimdall seeing them?"

"Heimdall is easily fooled. Do not put all your faith in his sight," Loki warned. 

"Where is the gate?" Thor repeated.

Loki shook his head. "You are hopeless. You should bring Natasha here to interrogate me - at least she was interesting."

"This is not an interrogation," Thor protested. "I want what you should want - to protect our people from invasion."

Loki rolled his eyes in disdain. "I want amusement, which your pathetic attempt at interrogation is failing to provide." 

The idea of amusement when faced with that utter blankness of a cell made Thor realize something - he would be terribly bored in there, and Loki would have to be even more so. "You want diversion? Tell me where the gate is and I will have Father change your accommodations to something more interesting." 

Loki regarded him for a long moment and then slowly smiled. "Ah, an intelligent play at last. Your association with more clever people on Earth has improved you."

Thor was long-used to ignoring Loki's mocking insults, and asked, "Do we have a bargain?"

Loki glanced around the bare cell and shook his head in the negative. "No. I like it here. It's very … restful. And since I have no intention of staying in here for long, it is adequate. It reminds me of Earth. You out there and me in here -- oh wait, that was you inside and me outside." He smirked in remembrance, and Thor had to restrain himself from trying to hit him, recalling what else had happened in that moment. 

Anger made his voice sharp, "You are deluded if you believe you will be free of that cell soon." 

Loki's smile turned bitter as broken glass. "Interesting how I say I want to crush the humans underfoot and everyone believes every word, yet when I say I intend to get out of this cell, everyone tells me how impossible it is. Yet I have demonstrated the second." 

"And the first," Thor said, anger rising. "You **demonstrated** that as well." 

Loki shook his head and snorted. "Do you believe I intended to conquer all of Midgard with five hundred Chitauri? So much for intelligence." He folded his arms. "Everything happened according to plan. I am here, the tesseract is here, and Thanos comes to take back what is his. You will all fall before him." He leaned closer and said with relish, "I look forward to that day." 

Hearing Loki's words echo Odin's not long before made Thor uneasy. There was a plan, there had to be. Thanos would attack Asgard soon, free Loki, take the tesseract, and be unstoppable. Frustrated, Thor shook his head and slammed the barrier with a fist. "Cease this! You speak with another's voice, brother. Not your own." 

Loki's eyes narrowed and he returned coldly, "I speak with the voice I hid while I was too weak to take what is mine. But those days are past."

Thor hit the barrier again and stomped away, too angry to continue talking to him. 

Frigga was waiting on the landing, and he composed himself when he saw her with a drawn breath. "Mother, he is infuriating!" 

She smiled a little and briefly squeezed his hand. "I am sorry, Thor. I know it is difficult when he is so provoking."

"At least he admitted there is a plan," Thor said with relief. "Now we need only discover what it is and counter it." 

To his surprise, she shook her head. "When Loki is obvious about something, that is our cue to be wary."

"You think it is misdirection?" he asked. 

"It is **something**. He did not know Thanos existed an hour ago, so they could not have schemed together, whatever he claims." 

Thor let out a frustrated growl and shook his head, realizing that he had fallen for Loki's trickery. "He plays with us." 

"But it does not mean there is no attack," she said. "Inform your father, if he was not listening. I'm sure he has tasks for you. I will come upstairs as soon as I bring his meal." 

Thor moved to obey and seek out Odin, but stopped to kiss her cheek. She smiled but looked curious. "What was that for?" 

"For your heart," he answered. "Because I love you, and so does Loki, even if he will not admit it." 

"I know. And I love you, son. We will get through this as a family, I believe that." 

Thor's gaze followed her as she approached the servitor to take the tray. Graceful, regal, wise, loving - she was everything Thor thought most beautiful in the Nine Realms. He could not understand how Loki was not weeping in her arms, pleading for forgiveness right now.

_Loki, how lost must you be to turn your back on her, knowing how much she loves you even now?_

But there were duties to attend to and a war to prepare. And so he had to turn his own back and go find Odin.

* * *

Frigga returned to the cell. Loki had not expected another visitor so soon, and was seated on the floor against the back wall. He tapped his fingers on his drawn-up knees, seeming quite bored. 

He glanced up to see her arrive, and though he jerked as if he intended to stand, he decided against it and stayed where he was. His expression soured. "Did you get what you wanted?"

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

His eyes flashed with anger. "Thor's visit. You knew I would never answer the question so your only purpose must have been to provoke me."

She stayed calm, though she wanted to flinch at how accurately he had read the situation. Bending, she touched the wall near the barrier and opened a slot. "Odin wanted him to ask you. We thought you might remember that you are family." 

He snorted skeptically and muttered, "And people wonder from whence my manipulative tendencies spring."

"You are far more like Odin and I than either of us wish to admit," she agreed, slipping the tray in. The wall took it and a moment later, an opening in the side of the cell formed and the tray slid out. He glanced toward it but didn't move.

"But you and I have always understood each other," she added. "I want to help, Loki. I have no other motive than that."

"And to find out where the gate is," he pointed out dryly.

"I care about you and your return to the family, more than I care about the gate." She knelt on the floor opposite him, sitting on her heels, and smoothed her skirt over her legs.

"The idea of Thanos entering Asgard bothers you so little?" he countered skeptically.

"Of course not. I fear what Thanos would do to all the Nine Realms. But I fear even more what you may do at his bidding, because whatever it is, it will destroy you."

"You think me so weak?" he returned bitterly and jumped to his feet to glare at her. "I will have the tesseract and nothing will touch me." 

She took a deep breath and said, "If you do not find your way clear of this thicket, it will break your spirit and all that is Loki will die." She murmured, "I feel you struggle. Somewhere deep within, you know this poison in your heart is not your own. Cast it away."

He stalked to the barrier to stare down at her. "You know nothing. Thanos did nothing to me but show me power. My glorious destiny of rule. And no one, not even you, will hold me back from that!"

She held his gaze, without rising. "Do you not hear yourself? Your ambition and anger are untempered. And that is an outside influence, not you."

He turned away, inhaling a deep breath, gathering himself back together into calm. "I am not under another influence," he insisted. "You do not understand how I have grown." 

She knew otherwise, but decided she had been combative enough. "Very well. Loki. I will let it go for now." Nodding her head to the tray, she advised, "You should eat before the soup congeals."

To her surprise, he didn't argue the suggestion, and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the tray, hungry or at least grateful for diversion. He sipped the wine and lifted the cover from the tureen. The surprised and delighted grin on his face was genuine, as he leaned down to inhale the aroma. "Mushrooms!" He glanced at her and said with quiet gratitude, "Thank you." 

"You are welcome. There are none from Svartalfheim, with the Bifrost broken, but these from Borenwald are almost as good." 

He ate eagerly as if he'd had nothing to savor in all the months of his absence and mushroom soup had been his favorite dish since he'd been small. On finishing he rested against the back wall, cup in hand to finish the wine more slowly. "That was perfect." 

"I will tell Hilde so," Frigga promised, though that would have to wait. The staff had been told only that Loki was unwell and needed to rest in isolation. The guards were to keep others out more than they were to keep Loki in, since Frigga feared both his influence on the unprepared and because she wanted to restrict knowledge of his behavior. There were many tales of what Loki had done and become already, and he needed no more gossip spread against him.

He sipped at the wine, twirling the stem between his fingers. "I expected you to put something in it." 

She lifted her brows in surprise. "If there was some tincture or spell to help you, my son, I would use it. But alas, it is something you must do on your own." 

The reference to his being under influence proved unwise as he counter-attacked. "So, now that we have indulged your fantasy of family dinners," he started, his tone sardonic. "Am I expected to fall into some storm of weakness and regret all my terrible misdeeds?" 

His sarcasm and distance made her weary suddenly. "Loki, don't. Please. I do not expect anything, only to indulge my own nostalgia for happier times of you and I together."

His gaze flickered away, expression faltering with brief remorse. Instead of speaking, he set the cup on the tray and pushed it back into the slot. The tray emerged in the corridor, and the wall flowed back into position without seam or imperfection. 

She picked up the tray and stood. He wouldn't look up at her, fingers absently rubbing the floor beside him. "It is not a fantasy, Loki. I know you believe you are lost. But that is not true. There is no one so lost he can never find his way home." 

For a moment he was silent, as if her words had touched him. But then he shook his head in denial, with a little chuckle, and his lip curled. "You think I **want** to return to this place? I want to watch it fall and crumble into dust." His voice turned vicious, and he laughed when he saw her dismay. "Hypocrites and liars and betrayers, all of you. Why should I want to come back to this place?"

She struggled to find something to say in response to his dark, hateful words. "There were good memories here, too, Loki." 

"Yes, so many good memories," he said taunting and with so much bitterness, his words fell like a lash. "All the times I was scorned and denied and abandoned. All those times it was my strategy or my powers that saved the battle, yet somehow it was always Thor's victory. The times Odin promised that one day we both would have greatness, even while he never intended I should be more than **his** son's shadow. Those good times?"

She shook her head anxiously, and stepped up to the barrier. "No, that was not all there was. Do not let your anger and bitterness poison all that was good. There was love, too, hold to that," she pleaded. 

He regarded her, expression closed up and blank. "Thank you for dinner," he said formally and lifted a hand. The barrier turned black and opaque as obsidian, and she took a startled step back before realizing he had clouded his side of it. It was illusion but effective to block her sight. 

She could combat it, but she thought they probably both needed some time apart. "Good night, my son," she murmured and left.

* * *

tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

After handing the tray off to one of the maids, Frigga trudged upstairs to find Odin. He stood next to the display table in his work room, examining an image of the palace interior shining above the table. The map rotated, displaying the locations of the tesseract, hall of treasures, Loki, and everywhere the Jotun had been seen, including the royal chambers, as he searched for the hidden gate.

"You are still angered at me," Odin declared without turning. 

"I am," she agreed, pacing inside. "But for now I am more weary." She leaned against his broad back and curled an arm around his waist, resting her head against his shoulder.

He took her hand and held it against his chest. "How is he?"

She hesitated to give voice to all she had learned. "Erratic. He has always been emotional, but now he is unbalanced. One moment calm, the next lashes out. He is open with his intent to conquer, aggressively so, yet his words lack conviction." 

"Because he failed on Midgard, or because they are words given to him to say?" he asked. 

She shook her head, uncertain. "Both, perhaps. He does not lack for ambition, I know, yet he makes no true attempt to achieve it."

"He waits for an attack to free him. It worked for him before."

"It worked on Earth because the attack was a surprise. Here, he taunts us with it, knowing that you and Thor will prepare against it." She straightened and pulled her hand free to gesture at the map. "It will be harder fought without surprise."

Odin glanced at her. "You assume Loki wants Thanos to win. If he is as conflicted as you say, it may be that he hopes to arise after both sides weaken each other in battle." 

"Perhaps," she allowed, but that answer didn't feel quite right either. "It still seems a risky tactic whose most likely result is that he is not freed at all."

"An aversion to risk is not one of his flaws," Odin observed dryly.

Which was true, but Frigga knew they were still not assembling the puzzle properly. Letting out a frustrated sigh, she took out the pins that held up her hair and began loosening the long braid with her fingers. After a moment she felt strong hands close over hers. "Let me," Odin requested and she pulled her hands away, closing her eyes. He combed his fingers through her hair with a gentleness at odds with his great strength. 

"Put it down for tonight, Frigga," he advised. "Loki will still be there tomorrow. You cannot resolve his tangles in a day."

"Would that I could." 

He smoothed her hair down her back. "That is to your credit. But do not take his deceits too much to heart, when they are meant to cause you pain. He does not speak the truth." 

"And if it is the truth that hurts the most?" she asked softly. "The mirror he holds up may have some distortions, but it is not a lie, husband. His anger and resentments are rooted in truth." 

Odin pulled his hands from her. "He has ever been envious of Thor," Odin said dismissively, and though she was tired, she could not let that stand unchallenged.

She faced him. "Has he no cause for complaint? How many times did you celebrate a victory of Thor's without so much as asking what Loki had done in the battle?" 

He turned away from her to examine the defenses around the tesseract again. "Thor led, Loki followed, as was his duty. We should not laud those who do what they should."

She circled the table to stand opposite. Odin's beard turned pinkish by the red lighting of the image that glowed between them. "By that reasoning, Thor rarely **did** his duty," she pointed out. "He rushed into danger, putting himself, his brother, his allies, and even the realm at risk." 

"Behavior I punished." 

"Once. You punished it once. And it nearly killed you to force him into exile. Once does not mitigate the many, many times you and I - I do not exempt myself - glorified Thor, ignoring or dismissing Loki's contributions." 

She was ashamed of that now, letting her excitement overcome her sense. A few times would have been understandable, but it had become habit, a presumption that Loki would do as he always did, to help his brother pull victory out of what should have been defeat, without acknowledgment.

"Thor is my son," he said, as if in explanation. 

She grew still and felt cold at the proof that Loki was right. "And Loki is not?"

His hands clenched. "That was not my --"

She didn't need to let him finish. "That is **exactly** what you meant: Thor is your blood, and Loki is not."

His eye glowered at her, a look that made lesser beings cower. The air crackled with his anger, but she held her place and glared back. He growled, "You twist my words as much as Loki does, to take your own meaning from them." 

"I know the truth when I hear it." She called up a different image from the archive, having seen the image on the display in Loki's bedchamber. It was young Loki, then standing half the height of his father's spear, holding Gungnir proudly. "Do you remember this?" she demanded, watching the image slowly spin to show both of them the bright-eyed eagerness, yet unmarred by doubt or resentment. "Do you remember this boy and how much he loved you? He would have died before he let an enemy take one step into this realm. His warrior skills grew, his power grew even more, as he tried to find a path that would gain him your approval, but you took the gold of his loyalty and his love and you spent it all on Thor. For that mistake I fear this realm will pay in blood, and Loki will go to his death hating us all. Again."

She flung the words at him and left the chamber, the image still rotating slowly behind her in silence. She hoped Odin was considering her words, but she could not bear the thought that he was not. As she walked she twirled her hair into a thick rope and knotted it on itself, heading for the outer gardens. 

The main garden was too formal for her anger, too pristine and clean and peaceful. The sounds of metal clashing furiously on the terrace drew her attention and seemed more promising. She saw Sif and Freyr were dueling, but they had gathered a small audience and her mood was too dark for court niceties. She left again before anyone saw her, drawing illusion around herself like a cloak to avoid notice as she left the palace gates.

She ended up at the edge of the Bifrost. It was a long walk, but shorter than it had once been, to join Heimdall. He was a gleaming figure, resting both hands on the pommel of his great sword, as he stared off into the nothing beyond the edge, seeing everything. As soon as she stood next to him, he spoke. "You should not be here, my queen. It is not safe."

She smiled a little. "If I am not safe here with you, old friend, I am not safe anywhere." 

He didn't object again, but he told her, "The Bifrost grows for you." 

She glanced down, to see the energies of the bridge swirling beneath her feet and extending out beyond them, rebuilding the path with a bright eagerness. "Why is it I can heal the Bifrost, yet not two I love so dearly?" she murmured with a sigh. "I saw the distance growing between them, but I did not believe it was so deep. Now it is an impassable abyss, and I know not how to bridge it. If it is even possible."

He did not turn his eyes to look at her but his deep voice held a comfort to it. "Odin Allfather looked at the image long after you left. He is grieved as well."

She hoped that was true, and he was reflecting on where he had failed his son and was planning to repair it. She was not going to expect it though, since Odin often refused to acknowledge mistakes. "And Loki? Does he shield himself from your sight?"

"No. He attempted to sleep, but woke abruptly. He walks the perimeter." 

She didn't like the sound of that. "Dreams?"

"It appeared so." 

"Appearances," she murmured, "they are often so deceiving, especially when Loki is involved." She folded her arms around herself, looking out into the void, imagining Loki falling into that chasm between worlds, life force dimming, until a hidden hand had gathered him up. Strange to think that if Thanos had returned him to her, she would have been grateful. Thousands of years of enmity might have been put aside for celebration. But his acts against Loki and Midgard declared him still their enemy. His return might have remained hidden, but for her sensing the shadow lingering in her son's eyes. And now Loki paced a cage, trapped in a thicket of pain and resentment, his desires poisoned.

"He speaks much," Heimdall said. "But his words have no more substance than shadows." 

"And always the same: conquest and death and hatred like Thanos reborn," she murmured. "He is so lost in it, he cannot think to take a softer, more beguiling approach, which might achieve his ends better. Instead, he has achieved more defenses and a stronger shield around himself and the tesseract." 

"Achievements that will not please Thanos," Heimdall commented. "Perhaps that causes Loki's lack of rest." 

Struck by that observation, she raised her head and frowned. "Thanos will be angry, yes. Loki already failed to deliver the tesseract, and now he has made it more difficult, trapping himself ever more deeply here. He has revealed Thanos' return prematurely. Loki was **terrified** , when he was free from influence." She recalled that look on his face, and his words at that moment, and shook her head once. "But it was not punishment he feared; he feared what he will do. It was the most true moment I have seen of him. If that is what is truly in his heart… perhaps… he is not as lost as I think."

Now Heimdall glanced at her, not understanding the direction of her thoughts. "My queen?"

She turned around to watch the colors swirl in the night sky above the gleaming towers. "He hates this place, but he loves it, too. It is his home. Whatever he may claim, his heart rebels against the idea of destroying it, and he knows that is what Thanos will bring." She took a deep breath, and felt the strengthening of true hope. This idea was the first that felt right, and she needed to discover its truth. "I must return." 

She had a key to understand his contradictory behavior; now to test whether the key fit into the lock.

* * *

tbc...


	4. Chapter 4

Dawn's light bathed the towers as she returned. She saw the defensive postures and the weapons being carried openly, the city on alert. It saddened her, as Asgard itself had not been under threat for many centuries, and seemed a portent of the many warriors who might soon need her arts. 

The main gate of the palace exterior opened to her will, much to the guards' surprise since they hadn't seen her until she stood revealed in the archway. She made herself smile at them, despite her impatience at the delay, and then slipped past when they argued who should have the honor of escorting her.

Once inside the palace, she took a cup of tea to fortify herself for the coming test, ignored the two messages requesting she join Odin and Thor, and went down to Loki's cell. 

He was throwing daggers at a point in the wall and threw two while she watched. Both hit the same point. "Your aim has always been extraordinary," she murmured. 

The daggers disappeared, and he made a wry smile. "My aim is perfect when they are illusions. Real ones are somewhat more challenging." He turned toward her then. "So, what can the prisoner do for you today?"

She didn't answer at first, frowning at him in concern. "You did not rest." 

"I did," he returned lightly, smiling. "It turns out cages are quite restful." 

"Why do you try to lie to me?" she asked, voice gentle. "Loki, I can see you did not rest. Do you have bad dreams?"

He turned away, unwilling to let her look at him, while he lied again, "No. Of course not." 

She knew then that he had, and wanted to sigh at all the useless **pride** in her family. "Given your experiences, I expect it. That is why I asked." 

He stayed silent, arms folded, but she waited him out. He didn't look at her when he finally admitted the truth in a soft voice scarcely above a whisper, "Falling. Always I dream of falling." 

"Oh, little one," she murmured, the affectionate name she called him when he'd been small slipping free in her distress. 

It hit him like a blow, and he flinched. "Do not call me that!" he demanded sharply. "I am not that simple, cowering child anymore!" He whirled back around to confront her, eyes blazing. "What will it take for you to accept that? Do I need to tear this place apart, stone by stone, and kill everyone inside before you understand that I am not your son?"

She let the echo fade away, before she answered, "I will never understand that, because it is not true."

"Then you are a fool," he shot back viciously.

"Perhaps, but I am your mother, too. It breaks my heart to see you trapped within these solitary walls, pacing like an animal." She took a deep breath, hoping this would prove her right and not go terribly awry. But she had to know. She watched him carefully as she offered, "I will open the barrier and set you free." She took one step forward, raising her hand as if she intended to push the barrier aside.

He froze, and his eyes darted in absolute panic, as if searching for a way out, and then he forced a laugh. "Oh, you are cruel to hold out the impossible."

"I am queen of Asgard; it is not impossible. I can take down the barrier and free you." She was not sure she could, as her own powers did not incline to that type of brute force, but that mattered little, as he had already given her the answer she sought. His first instinct had been fear, not delight.

He snorted. "And you no doubt want to know the location of the shadowpath gate in exchange." He smirked and laughed a bit to himself, "I told Thor it was under his bed. That is all you are getting as well. Ever." 

She shook her head. "Odin will find the gate, that is not important." 

He stood very still, the wariness of a cornered animal in every line of his body. "And the tesseract?" 

"Take it. You will need it to fight Thanos."

His eyes flicked up toward the tesseract, and he licked his lips, betraying a moment's uncertainty in temptation. He stalked closer to examine her face, his eyes narrowed in suspicion, "This is a trick. You already know what I intend to do with it and I do not believe you would let that happen." 

He was right, of course, but he was not the only one who could lie if it suited his purposes. But now that she had her answer, she needed to give him a path out before temptation became too sweet to resist. "Swear to leave Asgard alone. And I will free you."

She waited, trying to hide her tension as she prayed he would do what she hoped.

His posture relaxed and he smirked at her. "Why should I leave Asgard alone? When it is the place I hate the most? Not even for freedom will I bargain away the chance to bring down its lofty towers. I need not bargain for what I will have on my own terms." He whirled away, chin tilted in arrogance, not realizing that she understood the aim of his subterfuge.

She closed her eyes in brief relief, and let the gloating slip past her as the empty words they were. He eventually became unnerved by her smile or her silence and demanded, "How do my words please you? I intend to destroy the entire realm." 

She shook her head. "No. I do not believe it." 

He took an abrupt step toward her. "Do not mistake my gentle mien with you for a lack of will," he snarled. "I will do all that I say. I will take the tesseract and not you, not Thor, and not Odin Allfather will stop me. There is **nothing** I want more than that." 

Those words had the ring of the truth, and she took it as a warning. That was what the dark influence wanted him to do. "You mean that. That is exactly what you intend." 

"Yes. As I have been telling you!" He threw up his hands in frustration.

"Yes, you have, Loki. I am sorry, I did not fully understand until now." Retrieving the tesseract was a compulsion, and his hesitation and conflict was not deliberate, but an unconscious act of rebellion. Yet it still gave her hope. "I need to speak to Thor." 

"Yes, please do. Tell him not to come again. He irritates me." 

Her smile widened at the echo of youthful complaints long ago -- _"Mother, tell Thor to stop bothering me!"_

He added, "You should stay away, too."

Her smile faded because what he really wanted was for them to stop making him feel things which made his heart conflicted. So that made it imperative she not go away, not give him ease, so that he would continue to fight from within.

"That I will not do, little one," she said, this time using the diminutive on purpose with affection. His lip curled in disgust, but he didn't rant against it again. "I will not leave you here to endure endlessness alone."

He lifted his head to return her look. There was an unsettling glint to his eyes, like the glare of sunlight through ice before it shattered, reminding her that Thanos was not the only problem. "I already have. I am stronger for it." 

_Not stronger, my son. You take illusion for truth. That endlessness was the last stone into the cracked ice, and let Thanos in_ , she thought sadly. "Not again," she promised. "It should never have happened the first time, but not ever again." She rested her hand flat on the barrier and softened her voice. 

"Rest easy, my son. Remember when you were tiny and the dark was large? You would sit on my lap in the garden and we would watch the starflies and the aurora." Those were some of her most content memories: Loki tucked against her as they watched the fluttering clouds of tiny glowing lights. She'd had few of those moments with Thor, since Thor had never been afraid of the dark. When he had passed through a stage of imagining monsters in his room, the problem had been trying to make him rest instead of fighting them. But Loki had always known there were terrible things that lived in the shadows. She had wondered if he retained distant memories of red-eyed giants leaving him in the snowy darkness.

His gaze went distant. "You would sing," he murmured, his voice surprised, as if he had forgotten. 

"Yes, I would sing and you'd fall asleep. So try to hold that in your mind when you rest. I must go for now, but I will return, I promise." 

She started away, leaving him behind looking subdued. He didn't ask again about her offer to free him, probably in fear she might reconsider and do it. Nor did he attempt to bluster his way out of her insistence that he rest. Having him tired and off balance was good for glimpsing the truth, but it also meant he had less energy to fight. 

She hoped he would rest, while she had an audience to attend in the great hall. Odin planned to address the people about the threat they faced, and for this, she must stand beside him.


	5. Chapter 5

Ordinarily Thor would have enjoyed the preparation for war. Except this time it was different and the changes made him uneasy. For the first time in his memory, his parents were reserved to each other, and while they pretended all was well in public, he knew they were still arguing when her eyes met Odin's and she glanced deliberately at Loki's empty place on the dais, before turning to face the audience. 

Worse, the knowledge that Thanos was back had somehow seeped into public knowledge, creating a nervousness that Thor had never seen before. Some, like him, were young enough to not have fought Thanos, but all knew the name. The king's confidence in public was fearsome and strong, comforting his people, but in the private corridor behind the great hall afterward he was troubled. 

"Get the shadowpath gate from Loki," he ordered Frigga and Thor. "If there is any hope for him, he will give us the location." 

"I will try, Father," Thor promised. Frigga said nothing, but her narrow glance was heavy with disapproval before she turned and walked down the hall. 

Odin looked as if he wanted to call after her, but he swallowed back her name.

"Father, you must make this right with her. This is Thanos, trying to divide us." 

Odin shook his head. "No, it is Loki. Your mother has always taken up for him and defended his wrongs. She refuses to see what he is." He reached out to grip Thor's shoulder. "You are a good son." 

Again it was strange, ordinarily that praise would have made Thor feel proud as his father walked away but this time it left behind a niggling discomfort. 

He hurried after Frigga. "Mother." 

She did not pause her step. "Your father has not made the least effort to understand Loki. I will not heed his words, even in your voice."

"But Mother, he is the Allfather--" he objected. 

"He is my husband and my king, and I love him dearly, but where his ideas touch on Loki, he is wrong. Loki needs our help, but he is not lost."

She would not pause for Thor, but she stopped when a messenger approached her urgently. "My queen, there is a man come to the gates, weak and bleeding, delirious. He claims he was stung by a chimaera. The healers request your presence." 

Frustrated she glanced down the hall toward Loki's cell but then took a breath. "I will come. Tell them to take him to the western ward." 

She left to attend to the wounded patient, to use her healing arts, and Thor hesitated, wondering if he should investigate the chimaera report, but then decided that his father would take care of that. He continued on to the lower side hall, passing the guards and walking down the steps. 

He readied himself for the battle, knowing he had little hope of fulfilling his father's command but willing to try. 

Loki was pacing the back wall of the cell, his movements restless. He made four trips back and forth until he realized he was being watched. Thor found that hard to believe, knowing how aware Loki was of the space around him, but he appeared to be startled when he shifted his path and noticed Thor outside the barrier.

"Oh. You." Loki said sourly. Thor expected more taunting, but Loki merely eyed him and then heaved a sigh. "What do you want now?"

"Father bids me to ask you again where the shadowpath gate is located."

"You can tell Odin Allfather he can come here and ask himself," Loki said shortly. "Apparently the question is not so vital he feels he should lower himself." 

"He prepares for the war you have brought to our threshold." 

Loki's glance was dark and scornful at the weak excuse. "He wastes your time, Thor. If that is all you want, you can go." He returned to pacing again, ignoring Thor utterly.

"I wanted to see how you were doing."

Loki stopped, cast him an incredulous look and rolled his eyes in exasperation that made Thor feel stupid even before Loki spoke with the sarcasm dripping from his words, "I am in a featureless cell after I failed to conquer Earth, with two fools for my only company. What part of that suggests 'doing well'?" 

Thor took a moment and tried again, more directly, "Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Do you want a book?"

Loki's glance flicked to him and he turned away. "No. Not for the price you want me to pay." 

"I **want** you to do what is right, not as payment for diversion!" Thor objected.

Loki leaned against the wall and folded his arms, apparently at ease. "But I want diversion." 

"Not until you give us the location of the gate." 

Loki thought about it for a moment, gaze flickering up at the ceiling, and then said, with a flashing grin, "I already did."

"Loki!" Thor hit the barrier with a fist. "This is not a game! This is not one of your tricks!"

"Of course it is," Loki returned, unbothered by Thor's temper and not stirring from the wall. "I have to keep myself entertained somehow. But, if you do not care for my answer, you are free to leave." 

Thor was about to do just that and report to his father that he had failed, but he reconsidered with a glance at the smirking expression. "No. That would be giving you what you want. So I think I should remain here until you tell me exactly what is truthfully in your heart."

Loki let out an aggravated groan and banged his head once on the wall. "You are the most tiresome individual I have ever had the misfortune to meet, and that includes the large green monster on Midgard."

Thor thought of his own battles against and beside the one the humans called "Hulk", and the man who dwelled within the monster. "Banner is not so bad. It was unkind of you to provoke him."

"I planted no doubt that did not already exist. And I was right, was I not? **Of course** the humans could not resist creating weapons out of the tesseract." He snorted in derision. "They are children, who cast sparks on tinder and wonder why the flame appears."

Thor couldn't exactly disagree. "They are too brave for their own good."

"That must be why you get along with them so well," Loki sneered in disdain.

Thor hadn't meant to speak of it, but it had been the moment he had known Loki was lost. Before that, he could look past what had been done, and he could hope for something different, but to watch the whole terrible event, helpless to prevent it, had shocked and horrified him. So he found himself asking, "Why did you kill Agent Coulson?" 

Loki didn't have to ask who he meant, and he shrugged. "What does one ant of seven billion matter? He was in my way and I stepped on him. I warned Nick Fury and he did not heed it, and his man paid for it." Loki's attitude was casually cruel, but his eyes were fixed on Thor with an intent that was not casual at all. Thor realized Loki was waiting for the reaction to the provocation, and he forced himself to stay calm, though it angered him. 

"Nothing?" Loki prodded and when that still got no response, he tried again, more viciously, "He died at the end of my spear, pleading for his life, squealing like an ardens pig."

Thor clenched his jaw, and his hands flexed, on the edge of wishing Mjolnir to him. _He baits you for the rise_ , Thor reminded himself. _Remember what this is about_. Steadily he answered, "Do you forget I was present? He did not."

"I should destroy Midgard for reducing you to such dullness," Loki muttered and, looking irritated, pushed off the wall to stalk to the back of the cell. Thor felt pleased with himself for the little victory of not falling for Loki's provocation. 

There was silence and Thor waited, wondering what new attempt Loki would make. But when Loki turned, his expression had shifted to something more puzzled. He returned to the barrier to frown at Thor. "Is Earth medicine so primitive? He was alive when last I saw him and help for him passed me in the corridor. Could they not heal him?" 

Thor was pleased to hear the viciousness gone from Loki's voice. "Humans are fragile, brother." 

Loki's eyes flicked with regret even if his tone was cool. "Pity. The humans should have had adequate technology to save him, from what I saw, but perhaps Nick Fury prioritizes weapons more than medicine."

There was some truth to that, Thor realized, troubled. With all the human technology on that ship, they had been unable to heal Son of Coul, something easily accomplished on Asgard.

Loki was smiling as he turned away again, pleased with the effect of his words, and Thor realized he'd fallen into it again, letting Loki set him at odds with his allies.

"You spread poison," he snarled, angry at him.

Loki's smile spread. "Are my truths so uncomfortable? Fury wanted to create terrible deadly weapons with the tesseract. That is truth. Weapons he could use against his own kind. Truth. Weapons he could not control once created. Truth. He had a flying craft of immense power, with the technology capable of holding that green monstrosity -- at least so he claimed though I have my doubts -- and yet was unable to heal a simple spear wound. How does a man who expects his people to fight **gods** do so when his healing technology is primitive and useless?"

Thor took a step back, as if he could let the words pass around him, because he didn't like how right they sounded. "No, **you** killed him," he protested. "Do not twist this onto Fury." 

Loki's eyes narrowed. "Fury was the one who woke the tesseract. If he had not wanted to use it, none of this would have happened. His own greed opened the door, and he was a fool to believe he could control what would pass through."

"As you believe you can control it?" Thor exclaimed. "How are you less a fool?"

Loki's smirk was hungry and he cast his gaze upward, as if the tesseract was in the upper corner and he could see it there. "The difference is that I can control it." 

"No, you cannot!" Thor's hand struck the barrier and it erupted in a shower of sparks.

Loki pushed close to look him in the eye. "You will see. I will hold the tesseract in my hand and Mjolnir will become a child's toy."

"Is that what this is?" Thor demanded. "You want something more powerful than Mjolnir?"

Loki regarded him with disdainful surprise. "Did you believe it was something else? Everything I was denied; I will take." 

"With war and death?" Thor demanded. "How is that the answer?" 

"If they will not kneel, then they are nothing to me." 

"How can you do this to your own people?"

"I have no people!" Loki's voice was harsh in denial. 

"They are!" Thor protested urgently. "They are yours. We are supposed to protect - " 

"No, **you** are supposed to protect them. As king. Well, fulfill your duty, Thor Odinson. Protect the people from the threats. Protect the people from the **monsters** ," he snarled furiously and whirled away. Thor knew that he meant Loki himself, an echo of that desperate loathing he'd heard during their fight on the Bifrost. He remembered what Frigga had made him feel that moment when he had wondered if he were not Odin's trueborn son, and wanted to reach in the cell and force him to see the truth. 

"Loki, the only one who sees you as a monster, is you," Thor said thickly. "You make yourself into the monster. It never was that way before." 

Loki snorted. "Yet you were the one who wanted to go to war with them. I know all the stories - fear and disgust **drips** from the pages whenever Jotunheim is mentioned. Do not pretend. It was always that way. They knew and they feared what I would do."

"Mother does not."

Loki's hesitation was barely a flicker of his eyes, before he was sniffing in disdain. "She is even more led by sentiment than you are."

But Thor had seen the hesitation, and he attacked. "She is not wrong, though, is she? Loki, she says that you were … changed. Altered against your will."

"Not against my will." He lifted his face to regard Thor coldly. "There is vast power for the taking. And vast peoples ready to kneel to the one strong enough to conquer them."

"You know it is wrong!"

"Morality is a construct of the victor," Loki said, his voice a lethal purr. "The idea of freedom is a poison to the spirit, leading to discontent and suffering. This idea is the most pernicious evil on Midgard, and they will be grateful in the end, when I take it from them." 

"No! You are wrong, brother! This is evil, and you know it is, you must let it go." 

Loki looked right at him and smirked. "Never."

Thor slammed the barrier with his fist and strode away, furious and upset.

There was nothing left of his brother. Loki had died that day, dropping into the void beneath the Bifrost, and this one was only a shell, wearing his face and occasionally mimicking his smile and voice, but it was false simulacrum of his brother, twisted from what he should be. 

In a rage, Thor overturned the table in the sitting room, sending everything to the floor in a crash of metal and dishes.

Frigga's voice came from the entry, "Thor?" 

He whirled to confront her. "He is impossible! He cares nothing for anyone or anything except power. He has no remorse, no heart! He is lost, Mother." 

Crossing to the sideboard, she poured herself a sweet wine from the crystalline carafe, taking her time answering, before she turned to face him again, with the goblet in her hand. "What keeps Loki in that cage, Thor?" she asked calmly.

He frowned, not understanding. "Father's power," he answered. "The barrier." 

She waved her free hand in a sharp gesture of dismissal. "That is not what keeps him inside. This is Loki. He knows how to manipulate our sympathy for him, if he chose. But he has not attempted to test the barrier or to use trickery. He has not attempted to escape. What does that tell you?"

Thor hesitated and then nodded. "He chooses to be there."

"Yes." She glanced deliberately at the fallen table and the mess on the floor and lifted an eyebrow in disapproval. Chastened, he started to pick up everything while he considered what she'd said.

"He awaits rescue, as he did before, until his plans came to fruition."

"Perhaps," she allowed with a nod. "If there are plans. That is what your father believes. I believe there is something else."

"Then what?"

She hesitated, choosing her words, as she moved to the archway to the outside. He followed her into her garden, passing the sapling she had planted in Loki's memory, to stand among her favorite nightflowers. They had tall, straight stalks, and branches heavy with silver bell-shaped flowers. As she searched among them for the ones she wanted to cut for inside, she said, "Loki knows where the tesseract is."

"It sits in the hall of treasures. Everyone knows that."

She shook her head to Thor's surprise. "It does not. The Allfather had Heimdall put it at the top of the southern tower after Loki was imprisoned. And yet he knows exactly where it is. Even within the confines of that cell, he can sense it and its power calls to him."

"That is disturbing, but I fail to see-"

"You do not understand because you did not pay attention during your studies of our war with the Eternals," she told him, sharply. "In that arena Loki eclipsed you. I encouraged him to study the war because it was one of the few times that Jotunheim appears in our histories as an ally. Your father and Laufey marched to battle on that day, side by side, enmity put aside to fight a larger threat. Loki knows the combined might of the Nine Realms was needed to defeat Thanos and his armies, who hunger to conquer and enslave the universe. With the tesseract, Thanos would be near impossible to defeat and he would spread death across the Nine Realms. 

"Loki is well aware of the devastation and horrors that Thanos can bring. The broken part of him, the part in thrall, hungers for it, but in his heart, he fears it. I believe that fear drives him to keep himself imprisoned, and the tesseract kept safely elsewhere beyond his reach."

Thor turned that over in his mind, absently holding the flowers that Frigga snipped and handed to him. "He protects us from himself."

"Yes. I believe so. As much as he is able." She paused at a white cloud flower, and petted it gently, encouraging it. It grew beneath her touch, turning toward her and opening to show her its loveliness. 

Thor wanted to believe that, but it seemed unlikely after Earth and all Loki had said. "He was ready enough to use it to conquer Midgard," Thor told her bitterly. "And attack all who stood in his way, including me."

"It opened the portal, did it not?" she asked, in some confusion. "Heimdall said he did not wield it."

"No," Thor admitted grudgingly. "Not for himself. With his spear he had little need of it." 

"His desire for it is real," she acknowledged. "Yet, I have seen conflict within him, Thor; I have seen desperation and fear of his own intent. I offered him freedom, and he gave back excuses why he would not accept. And each time we soften to him, he hardens in response; he grows cold and cruel, reminding us of the darkness within him. He cannot fight directly, because the poison infects his mind, but he can keep us in opposition to himself."

Thor nodded, now understanding. It was Loki's favorite tactic: putting his simulacrum into the fray to draw his enemy into the desired position while his true self remained hidden. And he remembered Loki's voice, chiding and amused, ' _Are you ever not going to fall for that_?'

Frigga was right; a Loki who truly wanted the power of the tesseract would not be so determined to ensure Odin kept the barrier strong. Surely he would be trying every trick in Loki's very formidable arsenal to escape his pen, instead. He hadn't hesitated to use Thor's sympathy against him before, and he knew Frigga was even more prepared to forgive him anything. But instead of appealing to their sentimentality, or begging forgiveness no matter how false, he continually provoked them, and admitted to the basest of motives for power and domination. Was that truly to keep himself secure, as Frigga suggested? 

"What do we do?" Thor asked, feeling adrift. Give him something to hit and he could do that; but this sort of battle, he had no strategy, and his strength meant nothing. Ironically, were their positions reversed, he had no doubt that Loki would know what to do.

"We do not reveal that we understand his motive," she said. "It is not, I think, a tactic he uses consciously and I fear if we put words to it and draw his attention to it, the madness will crush it." 

"But how do we fix it?" Thor asked. "I want to hope some of my brother truly survives, but the corruption runs deep, Mother." 

She took the flowers from Thor and inhaled the sweet fragrance. "He is angry at us. Old bitterness and pain form the soil this poisonous weed grows in. We must locate the source and root it out, find the wounds and heal them." Her gaze fell on the sapling, growing straight and tall, full of new leaves, and she added more softly, "We make amends, and we pray he forgives us before he is lost."

Thor nodded agreement, hoping Frigga had some idea how to do that, because he had none.

* * *

tbc...


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

Thor returned to the front of the cell, determined to get Loki to recall the bond of childhood, when they'd been as close as twins, doing everything together. 

Loki was pacing again, hands behind his back, as Thor came up to the barrier.

"I thought you were gone," Loki muttered, sounding irritated and weary, when he noticed Thor. "Is that part of my punishment? I must endure your self-righteous mewling for hours a day?"

Thor chuckled. "If I must endure your endless speeches about power and conquest, yes."

Loki gestured broadly in invitation. "One of us has a wide open corridor to exit the unendurable."

Thor folded his arms. "No, I will stay." 

Loki groaned but to Thor's surprise seemed unwilling to pick another fight. "Do as you will. I am so bored I may have to escape to entertain myself." 

He said the words airily, as a tease, but Thor tensed. Escape. But the idea was ludicrous - Loki had talents but there was no way out of that cell. "You cannot. It is impossible."

Loki smirked. "Is that a challenge? You should know better than that."

Which he did; Loki's pride would seldom allow him to back down from any challenge, and he was a little afraid Loki could find a way, if pushed. If his mother was right, Loki himself did not truly want to escape for fear of what he might do. "No, no, not a challenge," Thor said hastily. "I believe you." 

Loki chuckled once. "Sometimes you are smarter than you look."

The familiar sarcastic taunt made Thor smile. "Now **that** is my brother." 

But the light, amused look on Loki's face died at the words, and he turned away, denying sharply, "I am not your brother."

Thor felt that same twinge of hurt at the denial. The first time Loki had denied it, Thor hadn't understood the source -- but learning helped little. "You keep saying that," Thor said. "Are all those years so easily put aside? We were raised together, as brothers. Your blood matters not to me."

"How does it not matter?" Loki asked softly. He held out a hand and ice flowed upward from his palm, glimmering like water in a spray that formed into a delicate crystalline spider web and twisted on itself into the perfect icy duplicate of a nightflower. 

Thor stared. Despite what his parents had told him, he'd never seen any real demonstration of Loki's Jotun blood until then. "That is beautiful," he murmured.

Loki's gaze snapped up to his face, looking wary and defensive, and Thor realized Loki thought he was being mocked.

"I mean it," Thor reassured him. "It is beautiful. I had no idea you could do that." 

Loki closed his hand into a fist, and the ice sculpture exploded silently into glimmering shards and a puff of vanishing snow. He straightened and his tone was sardonic. "Ironic the first time you show any appreciation for my skills is when I demonstrate the one I loathe."

"That is not true!" Thor objected. "I always appreciated your abilities." But he knew that wasn't good enough, because he had said other words, sometimes. He added, "I know I said foolish things. But I never meant to make you feel less." 

"No. You managed that without trying."

Thor tried to find the right words. "I know I mocked your skill sometimes. I made stupid jests, but you seemed to take it in good spirit. I thought you understood that I admired what you could --"

"Be silent!" Loki shouted in a sudden rage, eyes wide. "Do you think this is to be fixed with a few words of apology? Do you believe five hundred **years** are so easily forgotten?" He stared at Thor, chest heaving, expression drawn with anger. Then he forced himself to grow still, rubbing his hands down his tunic as if he was having some difficulty catching his breath. He drew himself up, calming. "No matter. Those days are past. I am stronger now, and I can take what I want. Earth will be mine, and your little human pets will be mine. Really, such a pity it was not Jane Foster with the tesseract, instead of Selvig." 

The fear that hit Thor at the thought of Jane under Loki's control was like a flash of lightning. "Leave her alone! She stands apart from all of this." 

Loki chuckled scornfully as he turned away. "So easy." He looked back over his shoulder and his voice turned cold and sneering, "How you amuse yourself with the mortals is of no interest to me. I need not hurt her to hurt you -- time will do that for me. Jane Foster will age and die, while you will change not at all. That is, if she lives long enough. Humans are so fragile, after all, and not everyone loves Thor Odinson." 

Thor looked at him, hearing the hateful words, and thinking there had to be something he could do or say that would help. "Loki --" 

But Loki was done talking. "Comfort yourself with your own superiority and get out. This grows tiresome." 

He flicked a hand in Thor's direction and the barrier between them went dark, blocking the view inside. 

"Loki?" Thor called. But there was no answer. "Loki, please, brother." 

After another moment waiting, he turned and started walking away, slowly, hoping Loki would reconsider and call him back. 

* * *

 

Frigga waited at the top of the steps, concerned by what she had heard but thoughtful, too. Loki's temper had flashed, his words less measured than usual, and therefore more revealing. 

"Mother, I try," Thor said. "I want to understand, but he refuses. What more can I do? He threatens Jane Foster and Earth --" 

She smiled at him gently and tucked a hand over his arm. "No, he said that he had no intent to harm her, son. You need to listen more carefully. He revealed more than you believe. What happened between you five hundred years ago?"

"I know not," he said, in confusion. "Nothing in particular, that I recall." 

"Recall better," she advised. She could think of nothing either, though. But it worried her that Loki had mentioned a time so long ago as something that needed fixing, and she could think of nothing he could be referring to. "Something important happened. He did not intend to reveal that, and I think he brought up Jane Foster to distract you." 

Thor suggested hesitantly, "There was the festival of renewing? I know he was unhappy about not being permitted to assist. Perhaps that set off his jealousy?"

"Your father feted you as his heir long before that," Frigga said. She turned and started for the steps to the central palace, while he paced at her side. "No, the seed is not jealousy; he admits to envy too easily for it to be the full cause, though it feeds his anger. There is something else. Something deeper that we did not see." 

Something she knew nothing about. Something Loki had not told her. 

"The campaign against Niflheim? No, that was later, was it not?" Thor asked, frowning. "I received Mjolnir after that...." He shook his head. "No, I recall nothing in that time. We were both so young then." 

She nodded her agreement, casting her memory back. Five hundred years past, Loki had still been a child, not yet full grown to his present height or strength and slender as a blade. He had tried, though, and she remembered many times where Loki would be defeated in practice, rising again and again.

"He was quite the stubborn scrawny creature back then," Thor murmured, with a smile. "Do you remember? He could barely lift a spear but he refused to give up."

Hearing the echo of her thoughts made her reconsider them. Her footstep hesitated, requiring him to stop and turn to face her when she didn't continue. "But he did," she said.

"He did not," Thor insisted, offended on Loki's behalf. "He never gave up. He continued with weapons practice; he rose again and again. He did better in duels, once he grew taller and faster. I have yet to find an Asgardian better with a dagger than he became, Mother."

"Did you ever tell him that?" she asked pointedly. He looked down, and shook his head, ashamed. "What I would remind you is that he stopped trying to use weapons that did not fit him, and used his own talents, instead."

"Yes," Thor agreed, frowning. "The illusions. He started using those in battle."

She remembered numerous complaints from both her sons about that, over the years: Thor complaining that Loki ignored everyone else in favor of boring histories, and Loki that Thor bothered his studies. Thor was not a stupid child and he'd attended his lessons diligently, but he lacked the hunger to learn that had sent Loki deeper into the libraries and deeper still into arcane arts. Loki had gradually withdrawn from dueling, preferring his studies and more solitary training, and when he fought it was with an evolving style that depended on speed, illusion, and clever tactics, not strength. 

It was also in that time of his early studies that Loki had stopped confiding in her as he once had. They had still spoken, and she had been an appreciative audience for his growing skills. But he had pulled back from sharing the secrets of his heart, as he had before. She had believed he was maturing but now she wondered if something had happened that he had concealed from her. 

"But those are symptoms, not the cause," she murmured and regarded her eldest. Thor shifted in discomfort beneath her sharp gaze, as she considered. "It is a tangled skein that grew worse with time. And now I wonder whether this darkness has rooted itself in his ambivalence toward you." 

That startled him. "Me? Not Father?"

"Odin, of course. And myself," she admitted. She had a lesser share of his anger when balanced against Odin, but she remained part of the lie. Yet Loki was most bitter toward Thor, not his parents. "But especially you, I think." 

"I caused this?" he asked bleakly.

She grabbed his arm, shocked that he had come to such a conclusion. "No, no, my son. I am not blaming you, you have done nothing wrong. You did not cause yourself to be favored, and he knows that. But it does not ease the pain that you stood in the light, and he did not." 

"I would have given it to him, gladly. I tried to share, when I could." 

She smiled and touched his cheek with her free arm. "And that is why we love you, Thor." Then she pulled back a little ways to sigh in regret. "I try to tell myself I could not have known these ends; that I did my best. But I know that is a lie."

"Mother, Loki's sins rest on him, not anyone else. Not on you, especially." 

She shook her head, rejecting his attempted reassurance. "If only that were so. But Loki did not spring out of the ground like this, my son, and many hands have had the shaping of him into what he has become."

She led the way into the family's private dining chamber, where Thor's step hesitated, as he saw what now stood opposite his own chair.

Loki's chair had been removed from the large square table when he had fallen, and she had resisted entering the room and looking at the table with its empty fourth side afterward. 

"You returned his chair," Thor murmured, looking uneasy. 

"Yes." Frigga ran her fingers along the top of the back of the golden frame, the coils at the top that were reminiscent of his war helm, and the dark green cushions. She murmured, "I know he is not ready to sit here. It is not yet time. But I wish to be able to tell him truthfully that his place awaits him. He does not believe he can return to us, whatever words we use, so I hope action will speak to intent. He needs a beacon to follow out of the morass that consumes him."

"I … hope so," Thor said, looking at the empty chair as he sat down in his own. "I miss his quick wit. And in battle, I still look to where I know he should be. Even when we fight in opposition."

She returned to his side, and touched the top of his head and smoothed his hair. "You will fight side by side, again, my son."

He glanced up and smiled at her. "Prophecy, Mother?" 

"Determination," she answered and bent to kiss his cheek.

Odin would be less accepting, she knew, and she could admit to herself that she had moved the chair in defiance. The king could not expect her to toddle meekly at his whim when her son's life was in the balance. 

Loki would return to the family, in spite of Odin's doubt.

Odin eventually appeared to join them, though she had wondered if he would use the excuse of war preparation to avoid family mealtime. He noticed the chair instantly, as he came through the archway, casting her a glance that suggested he understood all her motives, including the one pointed at him. 

Thor waited for them to speak, and when they did not, he looked from one to the other and folded his arms. "This cannot continue. Loki needs us strong and fighting together, not one another." 

For the first time she felt chided by her son, that she was acting a little too petty. But she was proud too, that Thor could recognize it. She lifted her head and took a breath, telling her husband, "That is all that I wish." She looked to Odin, waiting for his response.

He sat down in his great chair at the table, and regarded her. "I think that is not all, but that is what I wish as well." He stopped, and the table fell silent, as two maids brought in the platters and tureen for the meal and began serving, until Frigga waved them away for the family to do it themselves. Thor poured the wine, and when he had done three, he glanced at his father and then poured a little into the fourth glass. Odin observed this small defiance with his lips curving into a fond rueful smile and he told them, "I do not desire Loki to remain imprisoned all his days. I want him to return to his place." He gestured to the empty chair. "But I cannot set him free until I know for an absolute certainty he will not choose to harm the realm, of his own will or otherwise." 

Her hand tightened on the handle of the serving spoon, but she kept her voice level as she dished portions to the platters that Thor handed her. "I understand that, and I agree. But I know now that Loki fights from within. I think he will cast out the shadow."

"Beware a plan to soften our vigilance," Odin warned. "He knows we would not believe a swift change of heart."

She shook her head in disagreement. "Loki is not that patient or elaborate in his schemes to accomplish what I have felt."

"Thanos is," Odin said. "So long as that shadowpath gate remains, we do not know what influence it may exert on Loki from without."

Frigga and Thor exchanged a troubled glance. It had not occurred to her that the gate, being of Loki's making, might still be connected to him and permit an external influence to reach him. "If there was a constant energy conduit, would you not know?" she asked.

Odin carved the haunch of the meat with his dagger. "As I cannot locate the gate itself, I cannot declare with certainty what I would and would not know." His expression shifted to more rueful, almost admiring. "He is more skilled than I had thought."

"An outside force would explain the persistence of the thrall," Thor's voice held some hope, since outside threats were easier to combat than inner madness. 

Frigga was still skeptical that anyone, even Thanos, could reach Loki directly without detection. It seemed enough that the Eternal had left his corruption behind, an oily stain to twist Loki's thoughts in a singular direction. 

"You should ask him about the gate, Father," Thor continued. "He jests with me. And I believe your absence hardens his heart." 

Odin stabbed at a slice and glowered at Loki's chair. "I will not. He brought our enemies within the palace twice. He brought Laufey here to kill me, and--"

Frigga jerked her head up at that and interrupted, "Not so. He brought Laufey here to kill **him** , not you. It was Laufey whom Loki intended to betray, always." 

"He let Jotun into the very chamber where I slept and you could have been harmed!" Odin's dagger buried itself into the surface of the table, making all the cups and platters rattle.

She stood, both hands on the table. "We were never threatened! Bringing Laufey here had nothing to do with attacking Asgard or you, and everything to do with proving that his loyalty and love outweighed his blood."

"By letting enemies into our very home?" Odin demanded. "In an act of shameful dishonor, long before Thanos raised a hand against him."

She wondered how he could be so blind to what was so plain to her. "To do what you never did and defeat Laufey, and when that was not enough, to destroy them. For you!"

"I never wanted them destroyed!"

"He knows that, Father," Thor intervened as the echo of Odin's bellow faded. "He does. He was distraught at the Bifrost, and full of hatred, for himself most of all." He glanced at Frigga and added, "I understand better how he felt to find out that secret you kept from him. Do you not understand how it confirmed his feeling of separation? He has such strength and skill even you cannot locate a portal he created and hid, but we have all treated him as something less. Not always, but often enough." He stood, and his eyes sought first the empty seat across from him and then turned back to Odin. "I do not forget his mistakes but I forgive them, Father. I must, for he is my brother. I go now to speak to him about the gate if you will not. Perhaps he will fight this poison enough to do aught but make poor jests this time."

Odin watched Thor leave the room, and then his eye flicked to the empty seat as well. "Words as weapons, indeed," he murmured.

Frigga leaned closer to Odin, softening her voice, "Husband, you cannot treat your son as a weapon for the entirety of his life and then expect him not to be a weapon."

His eye snapped up to hers, brows furrowing in confusion. "I did not--"

"You did. You saved Loki out of pity, but you **kept** him to train and deploy against his own kind. He became that weapon, more and more like a Jotun in behavior and skill, and you held him at a distance, as if you could hang him on the wall until you had need of his power. But Loki was not a weapon. Nor was he a prize to take from Laufey as if Loki was another Casket of the Ancient Winters to sit forgotten in the Hall of Treasures." 

Odin seemed tempted to argue with her, but then subsided into quiet consideration. He regarded the empty chair for a long few moments of silence and then took the fourth cup where Thor had poured a bit of wine. Odin swirled it and looked within, and she caught a glimpse of Loki's face. It was an image from memory, of long ago days, when Loki had been a boy. She said nothing more, waiting.

Then Odin looked up. "Is that truly what you believe of me, Frigga? That I sought only to use him?" he asked quietly but in his tone, she detected hurt that she thought so little of him. "That I care nothing for him?"

She seated herself in Loki's chair, turning it to face Odin. She kept the anger out of her voice, hoping perhaps this time he would listen. "You loved him once, I believe that. But your heart closed to him long ago, and he felt that, even before he knew the secret we kept. You speak of his deceitfulness and his aggression against Jotunheim with such condemnation - but I ask you, from whence did he learn both, except us?" 

Odin said nothing, dropping his gaze to the wine in the cup and seemed thoughtful.

She stroked her fingers along the arms of the chair, its wood smoothed by many years of an impatient boy's hands, trying to keep himself in the chair, when he hated to sit still. He had tried so hard, at so much: at war and peace, magic and weapons, studious calm and righteous fury, and it must have seemed to him that the harder he tried, the less he received. While at the same time, Thor had won everything without much effort at all.

She murmured, "This storm has been building for centuries, hidden behind his smiles and pretense. But he gave us warnings enough, if we had heeded them. We did not, carelessly assuming that all would continue as it always had; that Loki would never learn the truth; that his discontent would remain confined to tricks and jokes, and not coalesce into something darker and stronger. But it has, and now we must unknot this tangle we have made." Her expression softened and she laid a hand over his. "You cannot hurl it in the midden as if it never was. It must be unpicked, thread by thread, and the shattered parts made whole."

"Can that still be done?" Odin asked. "He is too deeply mired in hate and despair."

"He is not," she replied. "He fights, husband. From deep within, he rebels against this hold. But until he believes that something different awaits him here, he will not be strong enough to cast it away." 

"If his heart is truly good, then he must step off this path of destruction of his own will, not because he believes it will gain him something," Odin said, tone reproving. "He must choose to protect, not harm. Or casting away Thanos will not be enough to save him."

She pulled away and her hands tightened to fists, frustration slipping through her like quicksilver. All Loki wanted was the truth and proof that his parents truly loved and valued him. But… she inhaled a deep breath. She and Thor would have to be enough, if Odin still held himself apart. 

Her hands smoothed out again on the chair arms. "And if he does make the choice, Allfather? How will you know? Will you believe him?"

"When he chooses, we will know," Odin declared with such confidence she frowned, wondering if he had a plan. "But for now, I must continue the preparations for a war he has brought to us." He stood but hesitated in the threshold to turn back and tell her in a quiet rumble, "You are mistaken, Frigga. I did not keep him to use against Jotunheim; I kept him for you." 

He left her then, among the shambles of a barely touched feast. She leaned back in Loki's abandoned chair and wondered if her scattered family was closer or farther apart than ever.

* * *

tbc...


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

Thor returned below, hoping he could get the gate location from Loki this time. If it could be found and destroyed, at least any lingering influence on Loki through it could be eliminated. 

_Thanos, you attacked Earth and you threaten Asgard - for those things, I will bring you to battle. But this attack on my brother will be avenged, this I swear_. 

His thumb rubbed the handle of Mjolnir absently, until he realized he had called it to him without thinking. 

Loki stood in the middle of his cell, a small blue flame twisting and swirling around his hand, dancing between his fingers with agile grace. He lifted his eyes to note Thor's arrival without surprise and continued what he was doing, commenting, "I feel I should give you a task, as you clearly have nothing else to do than bother me." 

Thor moved up to the barrier. "You could tell me the location of the gate so I could destroy it. That would leave you unbothered, and I would have a task."

Loki's smile was fleeting but amused. "Impressive negotiating." 

"So? Where is the gate?" 

Loki kept his gaze on the small touch of foxfire darting between his fingers. "Persistence is one of your strengths, but it becomes weakness, when it causes only annoyance," he advised. 

"There is a part of you that wants to reveal it," Thor coaxed. "You want to stop Thanos; I know you do." 

Loki chuckled and the little flame winked out. "No, you **believe** so, because you are a sentimental fool."

Thor looked at him and shook his head. "I am not so easily provoked, brother. Nor is sentimentality an insult, not when it springs from affection." 

"It makes you soft and weak," Loki sneered. "And blind."

"Hatred and anger do all those things as well, yet you embrace them with a fervor equal only to your lust for power." If he thought that the chiding would have an effect, he was wrong, since Loki smiled.

"They are far more satisfying." 

"Are they?" Thor challenged. "They ended you here."

Loki's eyes roamed the interior, for a moment giving Thor hope that the grimace was a sign that Loki was reconsidering, but then Loki's gaze drifted upward to where Thor now knew the tesseract was. "This is not an ending. Only that pause in the story when the hero thinks the villain is trapped and defeated, before the villain reveals his next act."

"Are you the villain?"

Loki chuckled bitterly. "I am not the hero, am I?"

"You could be." 

Loki's laugh turned more genuine. "Where is the fun of that?" But his eyes flicked away as his grin twisted into a grimace. "The hero cape fits you so much better, anyway."

Thor ignored the tired attack, and groped for something new to say to him. "There is still time, Loki. Thanos is the villain, not you, and he has not yet moved against us. If you tell me where the portal is, I can close it and keep everyone safe."

"You are insufferable," Loki snorted and turned away, folding his arms. "I already gave you your answer."

"You jested. But this is not a time for levity."

"Oh, I don't know, I thought beneath your bed was particularly amusing," Loki grinned and chortled to himself. "It is not my fault you share not in the joke."

Thor felt the slow seep of anger and frustration building beneath his skin. Loki had to tell the secret; he had to reveal it, not only for Asgard, but for himself, and he was so cursedly stubborn. "Where is the gate?" he growled, not meaning to but lifting Mjolnir as if he could threaten Loki within the chamber.

Loki's chuckle grew into full-fledged laughter. "And what will you do if I refuse? Put me in prison?" He held out both hands to indicate the bare walls of his cell. "Or let me fall to my death? Again?" His eyes narrowed and he stared at Thor in scorn. "You have no leverage. I have **nothing** you can take from me."

"You say that - I know you believe that - but you are wrong, brother," Thor said. He set Mjolnir down by the nearest pillar and returned to the front of the barrier. If his mother was right about what his heart truly felt then their one chance might be in convincing Loki that Thanos intended to take everything. "Loki, what happens when Thanos and his army take this place apart? When all of Asgard lies in ruins? Whatever your anger at me or Father, you know our people have no part of it. They loved you as their prince. We hear it every day, brother. There was mourning when we thought you dead, and jubilation when we learned you lived. You would not wish harm on them all."

Loki's face revealed nothing of whether he agreed or not. "When Thanos conquers the Nine Realms, he will give Asgard to me."

"No, he will destroy it. You know this! Mother said you learned more about the war than I -- and you know if that monster wins there will be no Asgard left to rule."

Loki gave a little uncaring shrug. "Then it will be ashes, if that is its fate."

Thor struck at the barrier, frustrated, then turned back to strike at the only weakness in Loki's armor. "And Mother? Who has tirelessly championed you, who believes you can be reclaimed? Will you let her fall, let Thanos murder her? Or will you kill her yourself?" 

"NO!" Loki cried, looking anguished, and whirled away, panting. Thor could see his profile, and his jaw worked without words and his eyes were closed in distress. "I will save her," he whispered in promise. His shaking hand rose up to his head, to clutch at his hair, and his shoulders curled inward as he drew unsteady breaths. 

At first, Thor believed he'd won a victory, getting Loki to admit that he cared about someone -- anyone or anything. But before Thor could follow up on the break in Loki's consuming madness, his enemy struck back.

Loki let out a gasp as if he'd been stabbed. He tore at his tunic, pressing his hands against his chest over his heart, and he stumbled to one knee.

Thor watched, confused and alarmed, but also wary. It would be like Loki to feign some sort of problem. 

Yet when Loki looked up, Thor saw surprise and pain on his face, and did not think he was pretending. "Loki, what is happening?" 

"Oh, it burns." He slumped forward, curled over, both hands bracing himself on the floor. 

"Loki, I - what can I do?" Thor asked, feeling suddenly helpless against this sudden turn of events. He didn't know what was happening, but something was very plainly **wrong** , and hopefully Frigga or Odin would know what to do. "I will fetch Mother."

"No need," Loki answered and his voice was smooth. He straightened and rose to his feet as if nothing had happened. "A moment's weakness," he said coldly. "It passed." 

If Thor hadn't been staring right at him, worried, he wouldn't have seen it, but in that moment Loki's pale eyes changed, flickering black as a night with no stars. 

Thor took a step back, suddenly chilled. He had not truly believed, he realized, but there was proof of a fell influence. There was a shadow on his brother's mind that had tightened its grip, punishing him and closing the crack that had let the light escape.

Loki smiled, and there was nothing of Loki's usual mischief or teasing, it was only cold corruption. "You cannot fight this power. Embrace it and it will give you peace." 

Thor shook his head. "No, this isn't peace. This is destruction. It is destroying you. You must fight, brother."

Loki ignored that, inviting, "There is no need for us to fight. There are many realms, enough for us both to rule." 

"Never."

"Always so stupidly brave. Right to the end."

Thor returned to the front of the barrier and glared at him, eye to eye, declaring boldly, "You speak in Thanos' voice with Thanos' evil. But I know Loki is still within and I will never stop fighting until I bring him forth again and cast this stranger out."

Loki smirked. "You simply cannot bear that I have grown beyond you, can you? I am not your little shadow anymore, starving for a crumb off your table. I have my own light and my own power, and it will be glorious to behold when I take what belongs to me."

Thor put his hand flat against the barrier. "So now I must starve for crumbs of the brother I once knew? Please, Loki, you are strong; my brother would never surrender to his people's worst enemy. You must fight with all your formidable cunning and strength and **come home**. We are waiting for you." 

Loki seemed moved by that declaration briefly, as his eyes flickered and his fingers twitched at his sides, before he hardened himself against it again. "Odin waits not. He wants me gone. Or dead."

Thor was shocked by that claim. Of everything Loki had said that was the most horrifying. "No! Father does not wish that! He said himself that he wants you seated again in your chair at the family table."

Loki sniffed, and folded his arms. "I doubt that. He has always known what would come to pass." His expression soured on some darker thought. "And he made sure we played our roles." 

Thor thought he knew what Loki was saying. Brotherly enmity was an ancient story, even in Asgard. Selvig had mentioned it to him on Earth - tales of other gods, even tales of Thor and Loki themselves, corrupted by time and distance, but all predicting the same result. "We need not play those roles," he murmured. 

"You are naive. Even the mortals know it is inevitable. I was born to be the villain of your story." He hesitated and added with a distant look to his eyes, "If only Mother had hated me for sullying her golden child, we might have all slotted more neatly where we belong."

Thor was glad that at least Loki was acknowledging his mother did not hate him, and as he started to speak, he realized that Loki was also tacitly agreeing that he was not quite as villainous as he wanted to be.

"You are not my enemy or a monster, because it is not who you truly are," Thor insisted. "You were no more born to be a villain than I was. There is no inevitability, no destiny, only our actions that define who we are." 

Loki's lips lifted in a bitter smile and he shook his head. "And yet, my actions seem unimportant to you. Sentiment will be your undoing, Thor."

"If my sentimentality brings you back, I will pay that price," Thor returned. "I will not surrender this fight, Loki, even if you have."

Thor expected another cruel response, but Loki said nothing, merely turned away. In the moment before he turned his back, his skin looked grey and thin, his eyes shadowed and sunken, and Thor realized Loki was using illusion to make himself appear better than he was. 

"Loki?" Thor murmured, in concern. "Mother is right. You are unwell. All that dark energy you wielded on Midgard and this poison in your mind, it weakens you." 

"Your concern is noted, but unnecessary." Loki faced him, as if to prove he was well, and in fact, he looked restored. But Thor had seen the truth, and no amount of illusion would erase that. 

"You are **fading** , Loki. This cannot continue."

"Have you been listening to tragic sagas again? Such melodrama." Loki taunted, "I know you find thought exhausting, but it is not exertion to do nothing but think in this place of mortal dullness." He gestured with both hands at the cell with a sneer.

"If you dislike your surroundings, you should have considered the consequence before you plotted murder and destruction." 

Loki rolled his eyes. "Says the hammer-wielding fool who went to Jotunheim looking to kill and destroy. I hope the air is breathable up there on your moral high ground."

Thor retorted, "I recall you told me to go."

"As if you ever listened to me." Loki's gaze sought the far wall distantly in memory. "If you had left Jotunheim when I told you to, none of this would have happened! Father wouldn't have intervened, you wouldn't have been banished for being a fool, I wouldn't have discovered--" he cut himself off, falling silent and for a moment, pressing his lips together as if nauseated. His eyes dropped to the hand he held out, curling his fingers into a fist. 

Loki walked away, and for a moment, a silence fell. Thor was about to apologize for acting so intemperately in Jotunheim, but Loki inhaled a deep breath, regaining control, and turned back. "I should thank you. Your actions tore away the lies, so I could finally understand why I never had a true place in Asgard." 

"You did! You gave it up!" Thor objected, remembering again how Loki had let go, letting himself fall.

"Did I?" Loki retorted. "I did not steal the throne from you - you were exiled, Father had fallen and no one knew when he would rouse. I planned none of that. Mother did not tell me to fetch you from Midgard; she told me to take up Gungnir. I did as she asked, and everyone turned on me. Your friends proved they were no friends of mine. Heimdall disobeyed me. Father," he started and corrected himself quickly, "Odin roused to save you, but abandoned me." His eyes were dark with hurt and he demanded angrily, "What place did I have? Tell me that. All anyone wanted was you returned, and me gone. So - they got their wish. And now they can all burn." 

The last words were spoken quietly, but with an intensity that brightened his eyes. It was more chilling than his usual ranting, because Thor knew he meant it. Worse, he had some cause, since Thor knew the Warriors Three and Sif had come to Midgard, and that meant Heimdall must have helped them.

"Nothing to say?" Loki taunted.

Thor stepped closer to the barrier. "I … knew nothing of this. I believed--" he started.

Loki finished for him with a bitter inevitability. "You believed I stole it, too."

But that was as if Thor had no cause to believe that, which angered Thor right out of his attempt to remain calm. "You lied to me!" Thor roared at him. "You told me Father was dead! When that proved false, what else was I to believe?" 

"All I wanted was the chance!" Loki shouted back, holding both fists at his sides as if he wanted to strike the barrier but was holding himself back. "For a little while! I knew it would not last, but I could be a better king than you!" He heaved a breath. "And I was. Or I could have been if everyone hadn't betrayed me." He flung his hands out, in his cross draw to throw his daggers. Thor saw the metal flash and ducked out of the way, only belatedly realizing they couldn't be real. 

Loki laughed as the illusory blades harmlessly dissipated against the barrier and Thor straightened, Mjolnir in his hand. 

"When I am free, those will be real." Loki's smile was cold but amused. "Avenging things is popular on Midgard. And I have so much more to avenge than they do."

Another dagger formed in his hand but this time it had some physicality to it, or at least its power interacted with the barrier, as he dragged the edge across the surface, cascading a shower of sparks. Loki's eyes fixed on Thor. "The Nine Realms will kneel before me or they will be dust."

"You will never leave this cell, brother, until you let this madness go."

"I will leave it when I choose." He set the point of the dagger against the barrier and started to push. Thor watched, at first curious, and then with growing alarm as Loki leaned against it, jaw clenched in evident pain.

"You think you have power?" Loki demanded. "You think you know what power is? You know nothing!" 

The sparks turned into lightning, twining up his arms. And still he didn't give in, throwing his power against the barrier, which glowed brighter and brighter. "Loki, stop it!" Thor shouted. "Let it go." 

But he didn't, forcing everything he could conjure into a narrow blade straight into the heart of the barrier.

He was going to break it. Both were under terrible strain - the wall flexed and let out a wail of warning, as Loki turned ashen with the effort to break what should not be breakable.

Either the wall would give or Loki would -- Thor readied Mjolnir, in case the wall did, while hoping Loki would let it go. 

The barrier undulated and snapped like a whip, hurling Loki into the opposite wall with enough force it would have shattered had it been stone. But the wall was unaffected, and Loki hung there for an instant before his body slithered down the wall into a heap on the floor. 

"Loki!"

Loki lay at first terrifyingly still, and then he groaned and Thor let a breath of relief. "Loki! Are you hurt?"

Loki raised his head, pushing up with one arm. His expression was dazed. "I almost succeeded..." 

"No. You must not try it again," Thor ordered anxiously. "Do not be a fool."

But Loki wasn't listening. His eyes seemed clear but sad as he looked toward Thor, and he murmured, "We were young once. Where did that go?" Then his gaze went unfocused, eyelids sinking shut. "I think … I can sleep now…"

He slumped flat on the floor, and his outstretched hand went limp. "Loki?" Thor called, but there was no answer. But after a moment, he saw Loki's chest rise in slow breaths, and was relieved. Not that the hit should have killed him, since Loki had survived worse, but still, there was so much about Loki now that seemed uncertain it was a relief that he slept.

He didn't want to leave, unsettled by the memory of Loki's face both in torment and then with a stranger's eyes looking out. All along he had thought the worst he could face would be to lose his brother to madness, to face Loki as an enemy, never his brother again.

But now, recalling that glimpse of exhaustion and looking at Loki's motionless body inside the cell, Thor realized he might lose him instead to that other darkness: not of madness, but of death.

* * *

tbc...


	8. Chapter 8

His mother was alone in the dining room, stirring the bowl of fruit and cream to pluck out her favorite berries. She glanced up then down again with a rueful smile to have been caught eating directly out of the serving bowl, when she had told him innumerable times not to do that himself. But she had seen his expression and frowned at him, asking in concern, "What happened?" 

Thor drained his abandoned cup then told her everything he had seen. She listened, expression turning more grave and pensive.

He poured for her when he refilled his own, and when she took the cup from him, her fingers tightened on his in comfort. "It will be well, Thor. This is a good sign, I think."

"Good?" he repeated blankly. "Mother, that creature punished him for admitting he wanted to save you. How is that anything but ill?"

"He admitted it," she said. "That is significant itself. But when you say 'that creature'…" she trailed off, thoughtful. 

"You do not believe it is Thanos?" Thor asked, incredulous. "Mother, I saw his eyes change, grow dark. For that moment it was not Loki there."

She raised a hand to stop his protests and explain. "While there may be a connection between Loki and the gate he created, to touch him I think Thanos would have to stand in the threshold of the gate itself, here or at its other end, and Heimdall would see the Realms bend beneath the weight. He has not. Nor do I believe it is necessary. We know Loki was in a weakened state in Thanos' grip for a time. That is enough."

"What then was it? Because, Mother, it was… unnatural."

"I believe it was the corrupting influence asserting itself directly. And that is good because it means what was once combined has begun to separate like the oil from the water. He is beginning to see it as apart from himself." She smiled and gripped his arm. "Do you not see, son? He is fighting." 

He wanted to share in her enthusiasm but he could not, not after what he had seen. "I … do not know if that will be enough," Thor added heavily. "He sleeps now, overcome by the blow, but I glimpsed weariness. He has been using illusion to disguise his appearance." 

Frigga nodded, unsurprised, but she had always been much better at seeing behind Loki's illusions. "It is a struggle, Thor. As if Mjolnir sits upon his chest but he still tries to wriggle free."

Thor remembered pinning Loki with Mjolnir on the Bifrost and the idea of some shadow pinning his spirit in a similar way was abhorrent.

"But," Frigga added in a stronger tone, "it is better that he struggles and helps us as much as he is able."

Thor sighed. "If only he could tell us the location of the shadowpath gate. But he only jests about that."

She smiled a little and shook her head. "I suspect outright treason is not possible."

"But he declares an intent to take the tesseract himself. Surely that is treason, if anything is," Thor protested, and then understood when Frigga lifted a brow at him. "Oh. It is a lie."

She nodded. "Enough of him knows he will take it to Thanos that whatever he says is irrelevant. And because the gate is his route to leave, he cannot reveal it, no matter how much he may want to." She shook her head and asked, "What jest did he make this time? The stables? I imagine he would enjoy that."

"No, he said the same, beneath my bed. It seems to amuse him greatly." 

"Did he?" she asked, brow furrowing. She set down her cup. "Thor, remain here. I will return in a moment."

Bemused and curious, he nodded his assent but she had already hurried out of the room. He set down Mjolnir and decided he might as well eat until she returned.

* * *

Odin's work room was deserted this time, and the system was quiet as Frigga walked up to the central table and activated it, calling up the same map of the palace that Odin had been viewing. She rotated the three-dimensional, simplified map to show the east wing where the royal chambers were located. Then she started to smile in admiration, and shook her head, "My clever boy."

Then back in the dining room she swept through, ordering, "Thor, come with me. Bring Mjolnir."

He followed after her, swinging the hammer up to his shoulder. "Mother?" 

"I have an idea of the location of the gate, and I want you with me to check it." 

They went beneath the palace into less traveled areas, used mostly for storage and to facilitate movement if the outside was inaccessible during an attack. It was a tangled labyrinth of corridors and ancient tunnels and inter-connected rooms, some which dead-ended and some were too narrow for much use at all. This area was far from the Hall of Treasures and seemed an unlikely place to sneak invaders in, but as long as Loki had left them a trail to follow they probably would have seen no one all the way.

Thor looked around curiously with a fond expression. "Loki and I played together here."

She smiled, remembering how often they had come to her when Loki had hidden too well or Thor had hidden too poorly, or she heard reports from the servitors of practice swords clashing or boys howling or singing or other strange noises coming from the tunnels. 

"Loki continued to explore the tunnels, long after you stayed above," she murmured, hesitating at a cross-corridor and glancing up at the ceiling, picturing the map again, before choosing the left. "Did you ever notice that Loki always knows exactly where he is within a given space?" 

"Yes, of course," Thor agreed with some confusion. "His battle tactics depend on his precision."

She nodded, because certainly his illusions and daggers depended on that amount of situational awareness, but that was a narrow application of his ability; this one was bigger. "He knows the entire palace very well. Do you know where you are, right now? Exactly?" she asked, coming to a stop. It was close by, she could feel the hum on her skin.

Thor glanced around. "East wing. This corridor joins the Path of Stars to the stables. They are that way." 

She smiled. "Correct but not exact. It is also," she held up a hand to feel lightly at the air, her brow furrowed in concentration as she eased forward on tiptoe, while Thor watched her curiously, "six levels directly beneath your chamber." She made a sharp gesture with her hand as if tearing something away. "Beneath your bed, in effect." 

And there, revealed, hanging against the wall of this seldom-used corridor was a distortion in the air. It rippled, shining like moonlight on the surface of a night-time sea, and then shimmered with dark rainbows that seemed to pull the eye downward and inside. As it grew quiescent again, it turned transparent until it was barely visible at all. Even without its shield, one would still have to be sensitive and close to it to know it was there. 

"The shadowpath gate!" he realized then he was doubly astonished when he realized what that meant. "Loki spoke truth." 

"Indeed." She folded her arms and regarded the gate with great satisfaction. "I wondered when he used the same words whether he was trying to hint at something real, not merely taunting you." She moved nearer, and Thor paced her anxiously, as if he feared that Thanos would emerge from it as soon as she was within reach. She examined the floor and wall close by, knowing Loki would have needed a physical object on which to affix the portal to keep it open. Finding a small a metal disk on the floor, no bigger than her thumbnail, she pointed to it. "That is the anchor point. Break it and the portal should unravel."

He hefted Mjolnir as she moved away. She could tell he thought it was overkill - his great hammer against the tiny disk - and she smiled to herself. He would learn there was a reason she had not tried to do it herself. He brought Mjolnir down lightly. The hammer recoiled, hurling Thor down the corridor a hundred paces, and the entire palace trembled and rang like a bell. 

Thor climbed to his feet, shaking his head to clear it. He cast a rueful glance at her. "I should hit it harder?" 

"Better you should destroy the floor than let the gate stay," she advised.

He lifted Mjolnir again and brought it down, this time with all his strength. 

A sharp crack of thunder split the air and a brilliant light flashed that would have seared mortal eyes. The air itself seemed to heave and then the portal dwindled, until with a sudden gust of wind and a last shake of the ground, it was gone. The tiles directly beneath the gate were powder, and the floor and side wall were riven with cracks. But it seemed most of the force had directed into the gate, and the damage was mostly to the surface, as the floor held with only a protesting creak when Thor eased forward. 

She joined him cautiously, taking his offered hand for safety, and tested the energies while he prodded with Mjolnir at where the portal had been. 

"Well done," she told him, stepping back, satisfied that the gate was unraveled. "I expect your father will be curious what we did, and I intend to take great pleasure in telling him." 

"Mother…" Thor complained. "Is that not petty?" 

She would not let that stop her, because while gloating was unseemly, satisfaction was not. "He was wrong that Loki had no care left for his family or his people. Beneath the pressure of Thanos' shadow, he had still found a way to tell us what we most needed to know. Your father needs the occasional reminder that he is not always right."

"You are more like Loki than I thought before," Thor observed, and she smiled. 

"Oh yes, he is the child of my spirit." She caught the hesitation, flicker of doubt in his eyes, and she sobered and shook her head, giving a little sigh. "You two. Loki makes the same mistake. He believes that if I love you, I must therefore love him less. But love is not a cup of water, finite and bounded. I can love each of you, to the very depth of my being, and still have room for others."

"I know that," he reassured her. "I do. But hearing you speak as if you two have a bond that you and I will never share --"

She laid a hand on his cheek. "Dearest, I have a bond with you than he and I will never share. Let him have this one: that you and Odin Allfather are as alike as two sides of the same blade, where Loki and I are aligned in understanding." 

His half-smile was chagrined, acknowledging the ridiculousness of his moment's jealousy. "I know." 

Rising up on her toes, she kissed his cheek. "Good. Now free yourself of distress, my son. My disagreement with your father does not mean I love him less either, merely that I will take delight in informing him he was wrong."

Smiling so impishly he had to smile back, she stepped away and instructed him, "Go to Loki and tell him his escape route is destroyed. I hope the knowledge will free him of fear of retaliation or punishment."

He agreed and took his leave, and she went to find Odin.


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

Loki was awake and waiting for him this time, standing at the edge of the barrier. "What was that? What did you do?" he demanded with palpable anxiety, his fingers gripping the edges of his surcoat.

Thor thought it was curious that Loki didn't know what had happened. "What did you feel?" he countered. "You should know." 

Yet plainly Loki did not as he reasoned it out instead. "There was no attack or you would not stand here with me," Loki thought aloud, "Yet the walls trembled… " He eyed Mjolnir in Thor's hand. "You used that." 

"On a skillful artifact of power, destroying it," Thor prompted. Loki's gaze flipped anxiously toward the tesseract, but in the space of a breath, he must have realized he still sensed it, and frowned at Thor.

"What artifact of power?"

"Yours, brother." Thor couldn't help a little smile when Loki's face held blank confusion, without any idea of what Thor was talking about, if not the tesseract. Thor explained, "Mother and I found the shadowpath gate. It is unraveled." 

Loki went utterly still, not even breathing, before his lips parted and he demanded in a whisper, "What have you done?" For a moment, he quivered as if some pressure built up inside him that would be unleashed. 

Loki was afraid, Thor realized with sudden sympathy. He'd thought Loki might be angry, because of the influence, or secretly relieved - he'd not expected fear. 

But the emotion passed, sinking back deep within, and Loki released his grip on his clothes, relaxing, as he lifted his head. "You think I cannot build another?" Loki asked. "With the tesseract I can open a portal and there will be nothing you can do to stop me." 

"Oh, I know you can. But not until you are free, and in the meanwhile, Thanos and his minions have no entry to Asgard to help you." 

"I need no help," Loki sneered and turned away. "I will escape whenever I choose." 

But the words were clearly empty bravado. He swallowed and his eyes darted around the cell as if the full measure of his imprisonment had fallen on him. He folded his arms, trying to take command of himself again, and let out a bark of a laugh. "You think destroying the gate will save you from Thanos? You think the old man above or," he glanced again at Mjolnir with a sneer, "that hammer will save you? Thanos will tear a hole in the Realms and burn them, one by one. And I will stand with him," he added spitefully.

Thor paid no attention. "Loki, Thanos can no longer reach you." Thor said and urged, "You can come back to us." 

"You have nothing I want." 

It was like facing a high wall, and Thor knew he needed to find another crack in it before he had any hope of bringing it down. "Are you truly so lost?" he asked. "You bend a little for Mother, but none for me? Do you hate me so much?" 

"I did try to kill you," Loki reminded him dryly. "Were you not paying attention?" 

Thor thought back to their last encounter on Midgard. "With that dagger upon Stark Tower?" 

Loki slanted a look at him. "With that little blade? That was to teach you a lesson about your excessive sentimentality. It would never kill you, fool."

Thor was glad that hadn't actually been an attempt on him. The knife had barely edged through his armor and Loki should have known that. But it had been memorable as the first time Loki had ever struck such a blow. If not that, then there was only one other moment he could mean. "The container on the ship then." 

Loki's smile was sly and unrepentant. "Did you enjoy that long fall? Did you fear death?" He stalked closer to the barrier, eyes meeting Thor's. "Did you wonder that no one would save you? That all your great power was for nothing, and you were small and helpless?" He lowered his voice to a soft but intense murmur, "That is how I felt when you dropped me into a bottomless abyss."

Thor had enough of Loki perpetuating that delusion. "You **chose** to let go!" Thor shouted. "I would have pulled you up!"

"Liar!" Loki returned. "You both wanted me gone. The shame was too great, and it was ever so much tidier if you could brush me aside. Maybe you gave a show of tears for the people who were never told of my faults, but was it not a relief? Admit it, it was as if a great weight had disappeared. It was for me. I shed this place and in return I saw glorious things that you will never understand."

Thor listened and somehow the bitter words seemed to ring in his ears, and he couldn't brush off the hurt so easily. Yet it was worse because the words echoed with his own hurt back on themselves. Loki wasn't hurling the words like daggers to wound - they were rising out of pain. Loki believed the words were true.

"Why?" Thor's voice was low and unsteady, as he rested his hands on the barrier, wishing he could shake some sense into Loki. "Why do you refuse to understand? Why do you believe the worst of us, and of me? You and I fought together, trained together," he thought of the tunnels beneath the palace where Loki had built his secret gate, and added, "played together… You are my brother and I love you. I wanted to save you. And yet you spurn all of it to betray your house to serve our enemy."

Loki didn't appear to be listening to his words until the end, when he shot back coldly, "I serve no one." 

Thor realized he'd found another crack: pride. "Of course you do. You were bidden to Midgard to fetch the tesseract, were you not? Turn it over to your master in exchange for the army to conquer Earth." 

"It was a bargain of equals."

"Brother, you are not a fool, do not act as one. You were never equals. Thanos plucked you from the abyss. You were at his mercy then, and you will be more under his hand once he holds the tesseract in it." 

"Earth was to be mine! You have your own realm, must you be greedy and steal Earth from me as well?" Loki demanded furiously, his tone petulant, but Thor didn't miss that Loki had no good response to the truth. 

Thor gentled his voice. "You made a desperate bargain, I understand that. You were in mortal peril and he saved you. But open your eyes; if you ruled Earth at all, it would be as his servant. He would force you to destroy Asgard in his name, because it would amuse him to torment you. **He** is your enemy, not us."

"You are all my enemies," Loki stated flatly.

Thor hoped it was a good sign that Loki was classing Thanos as an enemy and not Loki sliding ever more helplessly into distrust and hate. "Everyone?" 

Loki gave a little scornful laugh and spread his hands. "You see the vast extent of my allies. But that will change soon once I have the power." His eyes wandered to the back corner of his cell, toward the tower where the tesseract was kept. "I will not take it to Thanos, I will take it for myself and none shall stop me this time."

Recognizing that as a lie, even if Loki was fooling himself, let Thor continue the argument, pounding at what such a path would bring Loki in the future. "Power and conquest lead only to loneliness. Is that truly what you want? To be alone, beyond the warmth of family and friends--"

Loki narrowed his eyes at Thor. "Family and friends are a **lie**. A self-serving delusion full of promises betrayed when convenient."

"Never!" Thor insisted. "Where does this come from, Loki? What did we do to you? You say you envied my acclaim and the accident of our birth that divides our blood, but that is petty. This offense you hold against me is not petty; I feel there is some larger truth hiding behind these complaints, some deep hurt I did to you, but I know not what it is. Please, tell me," he implored. "Help me understand."

"You **exist**!" Loki flared at him. "Is that not enough?"

"No," Thor answered, shaking his head. "I think not. Because I remember our youth, and your heart was full of joy, Loki. Something changed, some darkness grew inside it, and now I fear I am the cause. That I did something I remember not, some offense I gave to you. Let me make amends," he pleaded.

Loki listened, the reflex to speak an angry retort opening his mouth before his gaze met Thor's. Then to Thor's astonishment, his lips trembled until he pressed them together. Looking down, Loki answered softly, in a voice more regretful than angry, "It is too late. Offense begat offense, until now offenses knot between us, impossible to unwind."

"No, not impossible. I do not believe that." He moved to stand directly in front of Loki and prompted, "It was in our youth, from what you have said."

Loki walked away, paralleling the barrier to the end where it met the wall. "Leave it, Thor. It makes no difference now."

But Thor persisted after him, guessing, "Was it the spring renewing festival? Mother says that could not be it, but I know that upset you…"

Loki laughed once, in bitter humor. "You understand nothing. Your position was the least of it."

Thor looked at the back of Loki's head, trying to think of what it could be. Half their lifetime ago… and if it was not his position, not envy, then what? He remembered what Frigga had reminded him, about the way Loki's fighting style had started to incorporate his illusions and he'd stopped dueling with spear and sword. 

"Was it because when you and I dueled, you often lost?" Thor guessed. "Were you more shamed than I thought? You were learning and younger - I thought you were brave and stubborn, returning to fight again and again even not full grown in strength..." 

"Brave and stubborn?" Loki echoed and gave another humorless chuckle. "Is that how you saw me? That is not what I recall." Loki looked at him and then away again. "I think, it is worse that you have forgotten," Loki murmured and shook his head. He rubbed at his face with both hands, fingers sliding through his hair to push it back. The illusion on his appearance slipped again, giving Thor a glimpse once more of hollow-eyed fatigue, as though the constant turmoil was grinding him to dust. "Something that mattered so much to me, was nothing to you."

Thor knew then that Frigga was absolutely correct; something had happened. There was some deep pain in him they had never seen. In that moment of exhaustion, the dark influence seemed quiescent, and his armor of pride was gone, his heart laid bare, and Thor knew he had to seize the moment when he had the chance.

"Remind me," Thor requested softly. "Please. What happened?" 

It seemed Loki would not answer, but because he did not speak at all, Thor waited. A memory passed through Loki's face, leaving his eyes hooded and throat working to find words. "Freyr," Loki murmured, gaze fixed on some distant point in the past. "A duel in the great hall. I had learned some new moves with my daggers I wanted to show you." 

Thor frowned, trying to recall Loki with daggers against Freyr... It had happened several times and he couldn't remember any duel in particular, though Loki had apparently found one he remembered with great bitterness, but he did remember Loki being eager to show off his skills. "You were not as skilled as you are now with daggers, but still so quick..."

"Freyr was quicker," Loki said in a dull voice.

"He is a very seasoned warrior, and you and I were both very young," Thor tried to say in reassurance. "He defeated me in those days as well, if you recall."

But Loki ignored him, continuing to speak, "I remember you distracted me, shouting something, and Freyr threw his shield at me. It caught me in the chest and I was thrown."

Ah, now he recalled. There had been an audience to watch the great Freyr duel the prince, and when Freyr's shield had hit Loki, he'd flown the entire length of the hall. Thor was about to joke how he and Fandral had called him Little Bird after that, but something in Loki's expression silenced him.

"You did nothing," Loki said in a barely audible voice. He laid a hand across his chest. "It hit me so hard I felt my bones shatter. I lay on that floor in terrible pain. And no one, not a single person in that hall, came to help me." 

Thor's mouth opened in surprise and horror, casting his mind back, sure that he'd gone over to ask Loki if he was all right and yet he had no memory of doing so. Surely someone had? Had no one gone to speak to him? 

"I heard you laugh," Loki murmur. "I could not rise. I thought I might be **dying** , and you and your friends laughed at me."

"No, no, Loki," Thor objected, shaking his head, "I intended no -- I was not laughing at you," he protested, then swallowed, realizing that wasn't true. They had been laughing, joking about how well the Little Bird had flown through the air. Freyr had picked up his shield, and Thor had handed him an ale before they'd left the hall. When Loki hadn't joined them in the festivities afterward, Thor hadn't looked for him, sure that Loki had gone off to brood over his ignominious defeat. Thor's shoulders slumped. "I had no idea you were hurt. I recall you stood-- " 

Loki laughed once, hollow and pained. "I was trying to get someone's attention with a decoy illusion but I had no strength to hold it. No one noticed. I lay there on the floor for hours, while I healed. Alone."

"I--" Thor started to speak haltingly, but Loki cut him off, apparently needing to tell the rest.

"Then, do you recall, I avenged myself on Freyr with the scorpions." He smirked a little in the memory of it, and Thor almost smiled, too. That had been one of Loki's better tricks -- Freyr had jumped up from the feasting table, shrieking, convinced there were poisonous scorpions all over him. But Loki's amusement faded.

"Afterward, Odin called me in, to disapprove. I tried to explain, but he refused to listen. He said I should accept my loss honorably, or challenge Freyr to another duel. But attacking him at the dinner table was **unacceptable**. Illusory scorpions that hurt Freyr not at all were **worse** than hitting me so hard I took hours to recover." His hands clenched at his side, and his pale eyes were distant, as his lip curled in scorn. "That was when I realized 'honor' is only a weapon the strong use to ensure they win. It has nothing to do with justice. And I wanted no part of it."

He turned his back and walked to the far wall, arms folded in front of him and looked set to ignore anything Thor might say.

But Thor could find no words. The horror of that incident with Freyr was that he realized it could not have been the only one. There had been other times Loki had taken too long to rise or disappeared or clenched his jaw and held onto a grim silence after a hit. And been mocked for it.

"Why did you say nothing?" he demanded. Loki flashed him a scornful look, not answering, because the answer was obvious. Asgard demanded tough warriors, not cowards or complainers who requested their opponents go easy on them. No one had held back when he had been old enough to have his Asgardian near-invulnerability, despite his slighter stature. He'd taken full power blows by some of the strongest fighters in all of Asgard on a body that would heal, but still took damage. Loki had never told anyone of the pain he endured, ashamed of what he thought was weakness and determined to fix it himself. So he had shifted his fighting style and learned illusions and magic to avoid taking the hits in combat. Which had led in turn to the complaints that Loki was dishonorable or a coward, relying on trickery in his duels.

Which was terrible enough, but not half so terrible as realizing he had never wondered if Loki was truly hurt. He had never asked. 

Thor closed his eyes and slumped against the barrier, scarcely able to think past the guilt and regret. Then swallowing and feeling tears prick his eyes, he told Loki haltingly, "I… did not know."

"You should have!" Loki whirled back around to stare at him, wild-eyed and furious. "I tried to excuse it by telling myself you were a thoughtless, reckless buffoon -"

"I was," Thor agreed quickly. "I was thoughtless, Loki. You were my brother, and I did not look after you. For all the times we had each other's backs in battle, I did not have yours when you needed me. I … I am sorry."

"Your 'sorry' means nothing to me!" Loki retorted spitefully. "You think it matters now? I learned that day, and every day thereafter, what my family and my so-called friends thought of me. I learned that I was **alone**. And what burned my heart the most, is that I loved you anyway. No matter how much I hated you, I could never stop lo-- "

Suddenly Loki stopped speaking and gave a gasp, one hand clutching at his chest.

His eyes flew to Thor's, seeming alarmed, and then he fell to his knees. "Oh no, no, no, please," he whispered. 

"Loki?" Thor demanded in worry. He waited, expecting the shadow to reassert itself. But it did not.

Loki let out another gasp, collapsing forward onto one hand, back arching as if in the grip of some seizure.

"Loki, what is this?" Thor asked, moving up to the barrier. 

"I… if I didn't give him … the cube…" Loki choked out, head hanging down and leaning on both fists into the floor. "The other … punish me…. I … did not believe he could reach here." He let out a short laugh. "All of … All of what I did… supposed to be … safe here."

He let out a short cry, jerking as if struck, again and again, until he was driven to the ground, hunched in agony. "Thor, go." 

"l -- no, I cannot - Loki, I will help you -"

Loki lifted his head, and his expression was … terrorized, as Thor had never seen it. "No!" he flung a hand out, sending a wave of force that rattled against the barrier. "Stay out. Stay back. Swear to me, swear!"

"No, brother, no, I will not," Thor protested. "I will save you, I will open --" 

"No!" That made Loki so furious he shoved himself back to his feet and staggered across the floor to the barrier. "You are an idiot," he ground out harshly through gritted teeth. "If you open it, I will escape. I will not stop for anything in my path --- not you, not Allfather, not Mother, nothing. I **must** give him what he wants; I have no **choice**."

He sagged back to his knees, slumping against the barrier, with another pained cry. "Oh, it burns."

"I will get help," Thor promised, and cast one last look at Loki, who was clutching at his head, before running for the steps to find Odin and Frigga.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

Frigga found Odin speaking with Fandral and Sif in the hall outside the throne room. Both offered their respects to her, but took their leave swiftly, leaving the king and queen alone. 

"You found and destroyed the shadowpath gate?" Odin asked. It was barely a question, as he already knew the palace was not under attack which meant he knew what had happened. 

"It was," she confirmed with a smile. "Thor destroyed the anchor and it is unmade." 

He glanced at her, recognizing the satisfaction though she kept her tone level, and he answered mildly, "Then I shall tell him well done." 

She folded her arms and lifted her chin to confront him. "Loki told us the location. He disguised it in a jest to evade the confines of Thanos' influence, but once I suspected it was a riddle, it was not difficult to solve." She kept her eyes on him, unflinching. "So you were right. I recognized the moment he chose to protect. And so should you."

"He protects himself," Odin corrected.

That was infuriating. "He protects **us**. Asgard. He **fought** to tell us that much." 

"He remains a shadowed tangle of vengeful thoughts and anger, and has not yet shown that he may free himself from it."

"Yes, he has! He has shown he is within and he fights to free himself." 

He reminded her calmly, "But he is not free. Nor will being free change those flaws which he had before Thanos--"

"Flaws we put there," she reminded him sharply. "Flaws you caused, and flaws you can help heal. If you choose." 

But before he could reply, he lifted his head to look behind her. "Thor comes."

Frigga turned in time to see Thor come round the corner, hurrying so fast he was in danger of striking the walls with Mjolnir as it lifted him off his feet every other step. His expression was alarmed and even desperate, and he called from down the corridor, "There is something wrong with Loki. He is under attack." 

Odin frowned. "I sense nothing…"

But she didn't need to sense an external attack to be alarmed. Loki's most dangerous enemy had already burrowed itself within him. "I will not stand here and do nothing." 

She raced toward Thor, and he grabbed her up in one strong arm so they could nearly fly through the halls, as he threw Mjolnir before them. She leaped down the steps herself to the front of the cell. 

Loki was curled into a tight ball on the floor, hands pressed to either side of his head. 

"Loki!" she called in horror and anguish. This was so much worse than she had expected. 

He stirred, his ravaged face holding dismay at the sight of her. "No. No. Go away," he said in a low, raw voice.

She went to her knees on the other side of the barrier from him. "Loki. I am here."

"No," he whispered. "You must leave." He turned over and then struggled to his feet, first pushing himself to his knees, then one foot and then trying to stand. She watched, biting her lip. He stumbled, catching himself on the wall, and leaned against it for a moment, panting. Then he turned around. 

He was trying for the illusion that he was well but the image of his face was a poor mask and did not hide that his jaw was clenched or that it was taking every ounce of willpower and strength he had to stand there and pretend nothing was wrong. 

"There is nothing to be concerned-" he started, straining for that dismissive politeness he did so well, but then he choked back a gasp, flinching violently. He straightened, still trying to bury what was happening and not show her that he was hurting, even when every angle of his body screamed that something was wrong.

She didn't know if he was more worried that she would try to save him or he was prideful about her seeing him like this, but either way it made no difference. "Loki!" she called, commanding. "Look at me." She waited until he lifted his head and his eyes met hers. "Stop," she told him, more gently. "You need no pretense with me." 

As if that was all the permission he needed, he fell back to his knees in front of her. "Do not open it," he requested hoarsely and peering at her with desperate eyes. "No matter what. Please. I … I am so afraid… if you… if you open…" He struggled to speak.

"I know, my son," she said and put a hand on the barrier as if to touch him. "I know."

"But - "

"Hush, little one," she urged him. "Save your strength. Endure and fight him. This is in your mind - dark tendrils he left within you and only you can defeat them."

"No," he protested, groaning, curled up against the barrier. "No… oh, _Amma_ , it hurts…" 

The return of a little boy's name for her sent a stabbing ache in her heart, and she had to clench her hands so she wouldn't try to tear the barrier down right then and take him in her arms. _This is what the darkness wants_ , she reminded herself. _This is the ploy, no matter how real it is, Loki must fight it off himself. Thanos wants us to open it. Loki does not. Loki wants us to stay outside_.

She could barely find her voice. "Hold on, Loki. Cast off the shadow, defeat this poison in your mind and come back to those who love you." 

"Please, my brother," Thor urged, resting both hands on the barrier as if he too longed to rip it away. "You are the strongest person I know. You can defeat him."

Within, Loki appeared not to hear them, as he held his head and drew urgent breaths between waves of pain.

"Mother, what do we do?" Thor asked, kneeling at her side.

"Nothing," she answered sadly. "There is nothing we can do but give him strength to endure." 

"But he suffers. There must be something-"

She took his hand and held it between hers. "He must fight for himself, son. This is a battle you cannot fight for him."

"This is no fight! This is torture. We must do something," he protested in frustrated anger. 

"He is strong, Thor. He will find his way through this thicket home to us. I have faith in him. What occurred that caused this?"

As he related what had happened between them and what he had learned, she had to close her eyes, realizing what Loki had hidden from her. 

"Oh, little one. Why did you not tell me?" she whispered, anguish and guilt renewed at the thought of her happy little boy suffering in silence all those years, believing he was especially weak and holding his tongue out of pride. All because everyone else had believed him to be Asgardian. She had known otherwise, but since he had hidden his pain from her, she had believed him as fully invulnerable as Thor, though in hindsight it was obvious that he had been maturing at the slower Jotun rate all along.

She stroked the humming barrier, wishing it was his hair beneath her fingers. "Your ancestry was never meant to be a great shameful secret. I always planned to tell you. But I could never find the moment or the words." She confessed, "I was afraid. Not of you, like you believe, but afraid that you would leave us or you would believe you were somehow less. I did not know you already felt that way. I should have known and I regret so much not telling you and sparing you all that pain. You were not weak, you were only different. And different, my dearest, is not supposed to be a curse, but a blessing." 

She was unsure he heard her, as he lay crumpled and trembling. His eyes closed as he drew difficult gasping breaths. 

Taking her own deep breath to attempt to settle her anxiety, she threaded power in her voice, to calm and ease him, "Listen to me. I will tell you a story and I hope it will give you strength." As she spoke, she could see he was relaxing a little bit, attention caught by her tale. 

"There was once a great warrior who went to war, and when he had the victory, he returned home with a baby he had found in the snow. He intended to foster that baby with strangers, but with one look, the queen knew she could not let him go to be raised by others. He had red eyes and frost blue skin and the sweetest smile she had ever seen, and she loved him in that moment with all her heart. She took him to raise as her own son, as loved as the one she'd borne. She **chose** him." She couldn't see his face, hidden by his arm, but she knew he was listening. Her voice choked in her throat as tears burned her eyes. "Do you understand, my son? I chose you; You should never believe you were not wanted. I wanted you." He struggled to lift his head to look at her. She added, impatiently wiping the back of her hand across her eyes so she could see him, "I have never regretted that, Loki. I regret not telling you that you were of other blood, and I regret not doing better for you or understanding your feelings as I should have, but I have never regretted the choice of loving you." 

He said nothing, probably **could** say nothing, but his eyes filled with his own tears, of pain and regret and also love. He pressed one trembling hand against the barrier to try to reach her. 

She knew she was forgiven.


	11. Chapter 11

* * *

Thor prayed for Loki to emerge from this attack, to break the shell that surrounded him and to rise from its shards, reborn and free. But instead its grip tightened.

The peace their mother had given him was shattered as Loki started to scream. 

The sound was horrific, as if he were burning alive. It didn't stop, it only paused, and continued, wave after wave that made his body convulse in helpless spasms. Thor tried to pull Frigga away, but she refused to go, clutching Thor's arm with her fingers like talons, and stared at Loki with her brow furrowed in anguish. 

Thor remembered Director Fury's question about what he was prepared to do to interrogate Loki, and he now knew the answer, watching his brother scream and writhe on the floor: not this. Not for the tesseract, not for Earth, he would never allow this. Yet there was nothing he could do to stop it. His heart quailed at the sight, and he wanted to flee, but he stayed. If his brother had to endure the pain, then he could endure witnessing it.

He tried to reassure himself there was no external cause for it; it was all in Loki's mind, but it was real to him, and he suffered beneath it. "It is a phantom, Loki," Thor urged repeatedly. "Illusion. Do not accept it as real." But Loki did not hear him, trapped in his own mind beyond their reach. 

His cries hoarsened over time, and his struggles weakened, and Thor's heart grew heavy with dread that the end was approaching.

Loki's lips moved in voiceless despairing pleas as tears slipped from his eyes, and suddenly, Frigga could take no more. She broke away from Thor with a cry, striking the barrier with both fists. "No, I will open this and stop it--"

Thor caught her and pulled her back, keeping her within the circle of his arms as she struggled. 

"No, I must stop it. I must help him," she protested, twisting to look over his arm at Loki. "Thor, let me go! There must be another way! We will help him find another way!"

Her voice cracked in grief, and he saw her eyes were liquid with tears. Her desperation made his eyes fill as well, but he held her, as tenderly as he could, not letting go. "No, Mother, no, we cannot."

"I will not let him die, Thor. He has sacrificed so much already--" 

When her voice faltered and she could not continue, Thor gathered her against him, trying to comfort her when he needed it himself. Looking at Loki trembling on the floor made Thor think about Loki years ago, lying broken in the hall, while Thor feasted, oblivious to his brother's suffering. He felt he could not breathe, so thick was his guilt and remorse. How had he not seen? 

He buried his face in her flower-scented hair, trying to hold onto his hope that Loki would recover. "He will have the victory, I know he will," Thor declared, as if saying it would make it so. 

It felt like an eternity later, that his father's voice made Thor lift streaming eyes to see Odin above them. "Frigga. Frigga, come away." 

She shook her head against Thor's shoulder in adamant refusal. "I will not leave him." 

Odin came closer, his eye watching Loki, who seemed oblivious to anything outside himself, his eyes closed, but his body rigid and jerking at the touch of phantom fire on his skin and in his heart.

Odin's expression was soft with pity and sorrow. "Frigga, come away," he repeated, coaxing her with a hand on her shoulder that rose to smooth her hair. "For a little while."

"I will not leave him alone." 

"Thor will stay and watch. Come, beloved," he urged, bending to take her hands in his. "Your hands are cold. Step outside, take the air in your garden. He needs you to stay strong."

But she resisted when he tried to pull her up. "Do you want him to come back?" she asked, not taking her eyes from Loki. "Swear that you want him to come home or we will lose him, I know it." 

"I want him to battle this enemy to victory," Odin declared. "And to return home. I swear." 

That was enough that she no longer resisted, and he pulled her to her feet and clasped her against his chest. Thor stood with them, exchanging a worried look with Odin.

She rested there in her husband's arms before lifting her head and stepping away to stand before the barrier. "Be strong, little one," she said. "Remember, this is in your mind. It is your battleground and you have the strength. I will return soon." 

She pressed a hand on the barrier, as a kiss, then she walked away, glancing back as she left the immediate view and biting her lip in renewed distress. Odin put a hand on her shoulder and helped her leave.

* * *

Thor knelt and watched for a time, and then rose to pace the hall. He glanced at his brother, who was not asleep, but not exactly awake either. He occasionally twitched as if struck, but mostly his body stayed rigid and he whimpered in a distressing way. White-knuckled fists pressed into the ground, only changing position when his body jerked enough to dislodge them.

Thor stayed because he had promised to and so Frigga would not, but it was difficult. Difficult to watch Loki suffer. Difficult to watch him and think of past occasions when Loki had hidden his weakness from everyone, even his family, until he felt alone and apart.

Remembering that meant Thor could not leave him again, but that made it no less frustrating. His brother fought an enemy Thor knew little about, could not help him defeat, and threatened everything he loved, but he could do nothing but watch.

A loud groan followed by the sound of deeper breaths from the cell stirred Thor from his restless pacing and he hurried to the barrier to see what had changed.

Loki stirred, turning onto his side enough that Thor could see his face. His eyes were open and alert, and though he was still pale and tired looking, he seemed more relaxed. 

"Loki!" Thor called. 

Loki sat upright, moving slowly and with care as if he expected each movement to be painful, but found it was not. He pushed himself up to kneel on the floor and with one hand combed back his hair from his face. He panted for breath and his shoulders slumped, as if the effort of sitting up had exhausted him. 

"It is gone," Loki whispered, eyes bright with wonder as they met Thor's. "Gone." 

Thor smiled. "I am glad, brother. You have won a victory!"

Loki shook his head in denial. "No. It is a few moments of peace before it starts anew. He promised to punish me, forever, if I failed."

"Loki, you will defeat it," Thor encouraged him. "Mother said you push back his influence even now. Endure, brother, and you will be free." 

"There seems little point," Loki said in weary bemusement and glanced around the cell. "Free to spend eternity in a cage? I would rather take this moment and be truly free." 

Thor frowned at him, sudden anxiety like a sickness in his heart. "Loki, what do you --" Then he thought he realized what Loki was saying and shook his head. "No, you cannot …"

Loki's lips quirked in a faint smile. "How have you not yet learned that telling me I cannot do something spurs me to do it?" He held out his right hand and in a moment a long dagger of ice formed across his palm. It sharpened and hardened, gleaming pure and clear as diamond. "My birthright." He held the dagger in front of his face, letting his eyes flash crimson. "Perhaps I should have been better off trying to win that throne. Though Midgard is in desperate need of a ruler. I could not possibly do worse than what they already have," he mused. 

Thor was not distracted by the levity. "Do not do this," Thor pleaded. "Loki, no, brother, please…"

Loki looked at him, smiling a little, and for the first time in a long time, his eyes seemed clear and he was sorrowful but resigned. "It is for the best. So much suffering would have been averted had Odin never brought me here." 

"No! No, do not think that. Did you not hear Mother's story?" Thor protested urgently. "Your mistakes do not define all of who you are, Loki. You are not beyond redemption." 

"Redemption is the cruelest lie of all, Thor. Speak to Natasha; she will help you understand. There is blood on my ledger, and it will never come clean." He glanced behind Thor to the empty hall and the smile turned bitter. "He took her away to test me. I suppose I fail and prove myself the weak reed he believes I am, but at least he need never worry about my dishonoring the house again." He paused and inhaled a deep breath, centering himself. "Tell Mother I love her and I regret all the pain I caused her."

Then he clasped the hilt of the ice dagger in both hands and drove the blade beneath his ribs.

Thor watched in horror, not believing he would do it until the moment it happened.

"Loki, no!" Thor yelled and beat at the barrier with his fists, as Loki folded. His eyes met Thor's, agonized and surprised, before he crumpled to the floor.

Thor called Mjolnir, howling until it finally arrived to his hand, and beat at the barrier again and again, in a fury to get inside, until finally it collapsed. He stumbled and nearly fell, unbalanced by the sudden disappearance of the barrier, and knelt at Loki's side.

Loki was still and silent. "No, I will not let you go this time," Thor murmured and rolled him onto his back, prepared to heal him with every bit of power he possessed. 

Loki's eyes popped open again. "I warned you not to open it, fool," he whispered and his dagger of ice slammed straight through Thor's armor into his side.

The pain was sharp, but sharper was the betrayal, realizing that Loki had pretended. It had been illusion, all of it.

Suddenly Thor was on his back looking up at Loki who knelt above him. But Loki wore no smile, and his expression was pure confusion and desperation. "Thor?" he whispered and held out a bloodied hand toward Thor. He grimaced and shuddered, brow knitting with distress and confusion. "I am sorry, brother." His whole face seemed to burn with shame and grief, before he blinked it away, leaving his expression utterly blank. Without another word, he rose to his feet, war armor shimmering to cover him before he was fully upright.

Thor lifted his head to watch. Two guards appeared, and Loki flung out a hand, sending both flying into pillars. Staggering a few steps, Loki gripped the edge of the cell wall, leaning against it for a moment as if to gather his strength. Then his form shimmered again, as he pulled his power around him and he vanished.

"No. Loki, no," Thor called after him hoarsely and forced himself up to one knee, determined to stop him. The pain of the blow made him dizzy, but he used the handle of Mjolnir to brace himself and readied himself to stand.

Frigga ran into view, shocked by the sight of the two guards groaning on the floor and Thor in the empty cell. "Thor!"

"Mother! Loki escaped! We must hurry; he is not himself." He tried to heave himself to his feet, but stumbled. But Frigga was there, grabbing hold of him and steadying him. 

"First, we heal you," she said in a tone that accepted no argument. "What happened?"

"He stabbed himself, or at least seemed to. I tore down the barrier like a fool," he admitted. "I thought he was dying. And in return he stabbed me and escaped." 

Her gentle fingers found the wound and she pressed her palm over it. He felt the warm energies weave through the injury, restoring his strength. Clenching his jaw he waited until she was finished, even though impatience churned within him. Loki was headed for the tesseract; he would take it and he would wield it as he once had promised. And he might destroy Asgard or Earth, or bring it to Thanos, but in the end the outcome would be the same: Loki would destroy himself.

"I will stop him," Thor declared.

Frigga clutched his arm, holding him back. "Together. He will not harm me."

"For a moment, there was a stranger in his eyes," Thor said. "He may not recognize you. And if he kills you, there will be no saving him." 

She must have known that, too, but she declared firmly, "He will not. Do not waste time arguing with me, my son. We must hurry." 

He hated this idea of her facing Loki, but she was already rushing down the hall for the steps to the main level. He picked up Mjolnir and ran after. The palace seemed undisturbed, with attendants doing their duties as normal, moving aside for the queen and prince as they hurried past. There was no confusion about Loki coming through, and thankfully no sign that he had hurt anyone in his haste. He must still be cloaking himself unseen. 

At the foot of the tower stairs, all seemed ominously quiet. Thor moved in front of her and ran up the circular staircase, Mjolnir ready to face whatever monstrous power was about to take shape if Loki seized the tesseract.

The top of the tower was a tiled, circular platform ringed by delicate arches supporting a high dome above, open all around to the air. Beyond the dome, a barrier of energy glowed faintly, indicating the tower was not quite as lacking in security as it might seem. In the center of the platform, on a tall narrow stand, sat the tesseract in its containment device. It glowed like a star, unopened and apparently untouched. 

The tower seemed deserted, but Thor turned, hammer raised to try to reveal Loki's illusion. "Loki! Show yourself! I will not allow you to wield this, brother! It will destroy you." He tensed, awaiting the attack. 

Frigga appeared at the top of the steps and glanced about the small circular chamber. "He is not here, Thor." 

"Is he yet to come?" Thor asked, frowning in puzzlement that he had arrived first though Loki had left earlier, and feeling oddly disappointed. He was ready for battle, but there was none to be found. He lowered Mjolnir to his shoulder and shook his head. "He should be here." Then with a sudden idea, he approached the tesseract. "Has he been and gone? Did he leave a simulacrum in its place?" 

Frigga's head suddenly lifted with realization and she gave a little gasp. "No. It was always a simulacrum. We have been fools." She whirled around and started back down the steps. 

Thor followed her, confused. "The tesseract is real, though, Mother. I saw it in use." 

She shook her head impatiently. "Your father was right; Thanos played a deeper game than I thought. This has never been about what Loki desires, Thor. His obsession with the tesseract was to mislead us. He is in thrall to Thanos, and there is but one thing in all the universe that Thanos hungers to have back most: the Infinity Gauntlet. And only Loki himself remains to stop him."

Thor remembered that terrible darkness in Loki's eyes, as if his entire soul was quenched in that inky nothingness. There had also been fear and pain, and truth, struggling under the terrible shadow. But Thor did not believe it would be enough. Loki would take the Infinity Gauntlet and escape Asgard through the hidden paths that only he knew to bring it to his master. When next they saw one another, Loki would sit at Thanos' right hand and there would be no struggle left in him, only death.

_I knew of what he was capable. I knew he would not hesitate to use trickery or use my love against me. He told me so, and yet I did not listen. I acted in reckless haste and I have failed him and Father, and all of Asgard._

And yet he did not truly feel his failure, until he and Frigga reached the corridor outside the hall of treasures.

* * *

tbc...


	12. Chapter 12

* * *

Odin found the doors to the treasury closed, but unguarded. 

There was blood on the handle and smears on the floor in a trail of darkening scarlet that had marked the halting path of his second, more difficult son. Not that Odin had needed the trail so boldly marked; there had been little doubt where Loki would go. 

The guards were embarrassed to have the king catch them out of position, as they breathlessly reported seeing an intruder down the way but it had turned out to be mistaken. Odin sighed to himself, knowing a distraction was the least of Loki's tricks. Resolving to instruct and discipline the guards later, he ordered them to stay outside as he entered the hall. He held Gungnir, but did not expect to need it, as the protections within felt undisturbed. 

Loki was seated halfway down the steps, with his shoulders hunched and his legs sprawled before him. 

Leaning Gungnir against the wall, unneeded, Odin walked down the steps to the lower floor, to turn around and be roughly eye-level with Loki, who did not look at him, but kept his gaze on the Gauntlet in the shielded alcove. His eyes were too large and his thin face held deep shadows. Even the illusion of his Asgardian appearance, something he had held by unconscious reflex from his infancy, seemed to be weakening to turn his skin grayer than usual.

"I tried to fight him, I swear," Loki murmured, both hands clutching his midsection. 

"I know. Thanos does not have his prize because you fought."

"Did you know that was what I truly wanted?" Loki asked.

Odin nodded once. "I doubt not that Thanos desires the tesseract, but it is the Infinity Gauntlet he wants above all things. But **you** do not want it, Loki."

Loki reached toward the Gauntlet - his shaking hand was wet with dark ruby heartsblood. "I do want it. I want to hold it so badly, and yet… I know that wanting is not my own." His hand fell back to his lap. 

"Thanos and his race must never be allowed to have it back. You studied the war. You know this."

"I do. He ensnares the weak." He grimaced, and shuddered with pain, but shame seemed a deeper pain in him.

But Odin knew that there had been nothing Loki could have done; he had not known there was anything to fight until it was too late. "You were dying, Loki. He took a hold on you because you were dying."

He had been dying from a fall in an endless abyss. Odin had watched, stunned, as Loki had let go, growing smaller and fainter until he was swallowed up by the night, taking all of Odin's failures with him. Until he had reappeared, vengeful and dark, the culmination of all of Odin's fears of what Loki would become. Or so it had seemed. 

But this boy was nothing to fear, because he had passed the tests Odin had set for him and he had made his choice.

Loki snorted softly. "And that shall be how I escape him." He lifted imploring eyes to Odin. "Please, I cannot go back in that cage to have him torture me again. I cannot."

"No, there will be no cage," Odin reassured him. "You will be free." 

"Thank you." Loki nodded his head and then let himself slump backward on the steps with a sigh. The front of his green tunic and brown leggings were sodden with blood, a rare terrible sight in Asgard. And worse still to see him full of such weary despair that he was resigned to falling into the endless darkness again.

Odin climbed the steps to him, sliding a hand beneath him and lifting Loki's torso against his chest. Loki stiffened and his eyes flew open again with startled look.

The wave of regretful grief struck like a hammer, when he saw Loki's surprise that Odin would hold him. Had it been so long? Then his grief grew immeasurably at the feel of Loki in his arms, so frail, all slender bones like a crane, as if all the flesh had already burned away. He was trembling like a leaf caught in a breeze, as death reached her cold hands for him. Loki made one prideful effort to pull away, but Odin tightened his grip and drew Loki's pain from him. Loki gave a soft breath of relief and let himself relax, his head falling against Odin's chest.

Odin murmured, "You and Thor were both such reckless youths. But I knew from the time you were small that you would be the more powerful." Loki made a disbelieving sort of snort and Odin would have smiled, except he knew where his concern about Loki's power had led. "You held such power in you, even as a child, and you were so clever, I knew what you needed most was to learn restraint. But instead I taught you naught but anger and hurt. I failed you, Loki, and for that I sorrow. But you should know you were never lesser, as a prince of Asgard."

"I am lesser," Loki confessed in a whisper. "I wanted to be more and I became less. Forgive me the dishonor I brought to the house… I am sorry… " His voice faded, hard to hear though he was so close. "I only wanted you to be proud of me. To see me. Just once…"

Odin's hand cradled the back of his head against his chest, and smoothed the tangled black hair. "I see you, Loki. Now I see you. Rest, my son."

"Tell Thor and _Amma_ … " But he could not complete his request, choking on a breath, shudders shaking his frame, before all the tension fled his body in another sigh.

Odin shut his eye, letting a tear roll down his cheek as he felt Loki release centuries of pain and anger, believing that he was dying and finding peace. Odin murmured, "Sleep, my son. All will be well." 

As Loki's breath and life faded, like the last rays of twilight before the fall of night, Odin set his other hand on Loki's forehead and sent his power within. The corruption of the Eternal's vengeful madness had gathered together, loosened from the emotional pain that had anchored it, and it was weakened as Loki's body failed. It offered no defense as Odin destroyed it, Asgardian lightning burning away all traces of the poison-tipped thorns in his mind.

Now he was free, as his father had promised he would be. 

Shifting his grip so that he held Loki across both arms, cradled not too differently from the very first time he had carried a small infant away from the snowy realm, he stood.

The burden in his arms was light, but the weight on his spirit was heavy as stone, as he mounted the steps. The doors swung open for him.

From down the main hall, Thor and Frigga came hurrying, Thor with his hammer in hand, prepared for battle. He had no notion the battle was already fought. 

"Father! Loki escaped! He tricked us. He was never after the tesseract at all, and -- "

His tumble of words fell quiet as Odin turned toward them. Frigga let out a breath of horror and her footsteps stumbled to a halt, seeing what Odin carried. "No," she whispered, shaking her head in denial. "No. Please, no..."

Thor's eyes grew large, staring at the limp, bloodied burden in his father's arms, and he could not speak a word.

* * *

tbc...


	13. Chapter 13

* * *

Frigga looked at her son held in her husband's arms. Loki was curled up, his head tucked against Odin's shoulder, and his long legs dangled. He was so terribly still. 

Everything within felt trapped behind a wall that had formed in her throat, stopping her voice and breath. 

This could not be. This was some terrible illusion, some trick of the mind, not real. She had left him, and she must have passed him in the corridor on her way back to the cell and she had sensed nothing. She had not stopped him, and now he was lost.

Odin said in a voice that seemed to be very far away, "It was no trick, Thor. He meant every word he said, felt every torture, and he meant to escape that foul influence in death. But when you opened the barrier, the dark force within him could not resist the opportunity." He glanced down at the still, pale face against his shoulder, and added, "It was well done, my son." 

"Well done?" Thor repeated in confusion and rising upset. "How was it well done? He warned me not to enter, and I did not listen. He reached the hall of treasures, he very nearly took the Gauntlet... Did you --" he asked haltingly. "Did you have to kill him to stop him?"

Frigga gasped. It hadn't occurred to her that Odin might have struck the blow instead. Her hands fisted, but Odin forestalled any action.

"I did nothing. He stopped himself. He made sure to spend himself before he reached what he was bidden to take. But if you had not broken the barrier he would be dead. So yes, it was well done."

' _Would be dead_.' That meant he was not.

Frigga's eyes flew to his with a sudden hope. "You mean--?"

Odin's look suggested she should have known. Which she realized she should have, as the illusion on Loki's appearance had faded but was not broken. 

"He sleeps. He has fought this shadow valiantly to its defeat, and he needs to rest."

"Oh, thank the ancestors." Frigga rushed forward and bent her head to kiss Loki's cheek. His skin was so cold under her lips that she knew this was much worse than mere sleep. Holding out her hand, she probed lightly at his aura and found his injury, a blood-filled chasm too close to his heart. "He is so hurt. He is fading. Hurry, I will heal --"

"Frigga." Odin's voice roused her from her fear to look up at him and he promised softly, "I will not release him. There is time." 

She forced herself to draw breath and calm enough to sense that Odin's powers surrounded Loki, holding him to life. She smoothed Loki's hair before she stepped back with a relieved nod.

"But why?" Thor asked, confused. "Why allow all this to happen, Father?" 

Frigga shot him a glance, realizing he was right. These circumstances had not come by accident.

Odin explained, "He needed to choose. I could prevent his choices; I could have strengthened the barrier beyond even Mjolnir's power, but then he would never be free. But this night, he found himself within reach of the tesseract and the Gauntlet and he could have taken them. But he chose death, instead of power."

"No, my husband," Frigga corrected. "He chose **us**. He chose his family and Asgard."

He nodded his head to her, finally agreeing with what she knew to be true, "Yes. He chose to protect."

Her eyes were sharp on him and she saw what Thor did not. "You drew me away from him, deliberately."

"Yes. I thought he would be forced to attack whoever opened it, but If Loki struck you, I thought it likely we would lose him."

Which was probably true, but did not consider how terribly guilty she would have felt for abandoning him if she had lost one or both of her sons to this plan. She folded her arms. "You took a great risk, with both our sons' lives, to get your answer."

"I did," he agreed with a glance at Thor then at Loki's pale, sleeping face, and she knew he was also thinking that all might have turned so easily to tragedy had Loki's blade struck either of them more deeply. 

But she pushed away the thought, for the horror of it had not happened and now would not happen. Odin seemed possessed of a new understanding and regret as he held his son, both in his arms and in his powers, refusing to relinquish him to death. 

So she touched his face, smoothing his beard, and Odin glanced up, surprised at her touch. "He is free and he is alive. I cannot be angry about that result. Though you and I have much to discuss when he is well, this I promise." Then she stepped back and wrapped a hand around Thor's arm. "Let us take Loki home." 

They walked in somber procession up the grand steps, as other palace residents stopped and moved aside, bowing their heads to honor them. They continued through the throne room to the family's private quarters, and finally to Loki's own chamber. Frigga and Thor held the doors, ushering Odin in with his burden. 

Odin laid Loki to sleep on the soft, rarely used bed and moved out of her way. 

Frigga removed Loki's bloodied clothes and handed them to Thor to be burned. Then, kneeling on the bed, she laid her right hand above the deep wound. Odin clasped her left hand in his, offering his strength.

She did not need it, but she did not pull away. It felt right to combine both threads, and use them to bind the flesh together. Loki barely breathed, even when she was finished and the wound was healed. She sponged off the remaining blood from his skin and put him in loose pants, but he slept through all of it, deeply unconscious. 

Pulling the coverlet over him, though she knew he didn't need it, she caressed his cheek and hoped he was having better dreams. She sat in the chair that Odin had brought close to the side of the bed for her. 

"Now we wait for him to wake and discover what we have wrought."

* * *

Frigga watched as Loki stirred. Thor and Odin had left hours ago, but Frigga had waited, knowing he would not sleep for days. But she was glad they were alone, as he awoke. Loki's eyes opened and looked upward for several peaceful minutes before he twitched, as if realizing that the familiar ceiling of his quarters was a place he should not be. 

He sat up, seeming anxious, and only relaxed when he saw Frigga. His expression faltered into confusion. "I - Where am - Why am I-?"

She settled on the edge of the bed beside him. "Welcome back." 

"But… I… no. This cannot be," he protested, shaking his head as if to get the dreams out of it, or as if he thought he was staring at some other illusion. He touched his stomach, remembering the wound, though it was gone. "I thought… I … I should be dead." 

She pushed the hair out of his face. "No. We will not let you go again, my son. And I think you are now ready to come home."

His brow knitted and his eyes widened, before he looked down and shook his head in distress. "No. How could I?" he whispered, shoulders bowing beneath the weight. "I have done such terrible things, betrayed all of you-"

"Hush, little one," she murmured and wrapped her arms around him to pull him close. For all his height, he still fit against her and it felt right to finally give him the comfort he'd been denied in the cell. "You are home. All the rest means little compared to that."

"But I --"

She soothed his shaking shoulders. "It will be well, Loki. Have courage. We will help you."

"I … I never wanted to hurt you." He lifted his head to look into her eyes imploringly, as if he had to make sure she understood that point. "If I ever harmed you, I could not endure it. You need to put me back in that cage, so I cannot be used against you, not ever again."

"You will not," she reassured him. "That shadow is gone, Loki. You are free. And we will mend the rest together, I promise." 

The doubt in his face made him look young and fragile, and when he'd lowered his head back to rest on her shoulder, she rubbed his bare back gently. 

A soft footfall interrupted and they both looked up, to see Odin enter. She felt Loki stiffen and withdraw, straightening proudly. He swallowed and his eyes flickered in fear of what Odin was planning to do. She patted his shoulder.

Odin drew nearer and Frigga gaped at what he carried: The Casket of Ancient Winters. 

Loki's eyes flicked between it and Odin's face, anxious, and he drew up his knees as if he did not want even his feet close to the source of power. "You… should not bring that near me."

"It belongs to you," Odin said, to both her and Loki's surprise. Odin stopped and put the glowing casket on the nearest side table. "I should have given it to you on the same day Thor took Mjolnir, for it is your birthright. You are the only one who can wield it to its full potential." 

Frigga dared not shift uneasily or show doubt while Loki was so near, but she wondered why Odin would offer such great temptation so soon. It seemed dangerous to test him when he was barely recovered.

Loki stared at him while his expression traveled from stunned disbelief to hope and uncertainty. He rose and padded barefoot to the table where the casket sat, and it woke for him, the energy levels rising like a breeze on her skin. 

She glanced at Odin, feeling anxious that this would be too much for Loki to handle, but Odin held up a hand to keep her still and quiet. He watched Loki with calm intent, ready to step in, if necessary, but he had not brought Gungnir in a gesture of confidence. 

"You would give this to me?" Loki asked softly, staring down into the brilliant heart of the power. "Knowing what I could do with it, if I failed again? Knowing I am unworthy of it?"

"You are worthy, Loki," Odin told him.

Loki did not seem to hear, asking with quiet bitterness, "What if I take this to restore Jotunheim to its former glory? And from there, conquer Niflheim and quench the fires of Muspelheim in frost? Then turn against Asgard? Is that not what you believed I would do when I learned the truth? You feared the prophecy of Ragnarök would come to pass because you let your heart soften against your enemies, when you saved what Laufey tried to throw away." 

Frigga was surprised that Loki knew of the secret prophecy, because that should have never been in a place he could find it, but that surprise was nothing to her utter astonishment when Odin admitted, "Yes. Every year it seemed the prophecy crept closer to fulfillment, as you withdrew into the pursuit of ever greater power. I thought I knew what you were becoming; that you were forging yourself into the weapon of Asgard's destruction. It seemed… inevitable."

Her gaze went back and forth between Odin and Loki, dismayed by this new revelation. The dreadful prophecy gave no names, or the realm where it would begin, only that it would rise from cold. Odin had said nothing to her of his belief that the end of the realms was approaching, keeping a secret as damaging as the one they had kept together from Loki. At least now she understood better why Odin had tried to harden his heart against the son he thought prophesied to kill him.

"And now?" Loki demanded. "You still fear **this**?" The illusion on his appearance vanished, so that the bare skin of his upper body was the blue frost shade which Frigga had not seen since his infancy. With crimson eyes, he stared at Odin in challenge, watching him for revulsion or concern. 

Frigga held her breath, waiting for Odin's response. Loki tested to see if they meant what they said, or if they feared him still. Perhaps he tested himself as well, since she knew the greater part of loathing Loki felt was for himself.

But Odin did not look away, answering calmly. "No. No longer. I believed in your blood too much and in your love too little. Almost I brought this doom upon us, creating what I feared, but your mother's heart - and yours - was strong enough to turn it aside. You proved it when you chose to die, rather than harm your home or your family. At that moment I knew the time of Ragnarök is not upon us." He hesitated and glanced at the Casket, before adding in a softer, hesitant voice, "I will not stop you if you choose to leave. But I… request that you stay. When Thanos rises against us, it would be my greatest honor to have **both** of my sons beside me in battle."

For a moment, Loki did not move and Frigga held her breath, hoping it was enough. Odin did not often admit to mistakes but he had the wisdom to admit that he could be blind as any. But she knew this might not assuage Loki's anger which had been growing over centuries. 

Loki appeared to be considering the words, eyes hooded and lips pressed together, and then he held out a shaking hand toward the Casket. The power came forth at his call, streaming with a brilliant light around his hand and casting his face white as the frost

The air turned cold, and she bit her lip so she would not utter a protest, and waited. Odin had been right that they could not make Loki's choices for him; he would have to decide himself which path he wanted to tread.

The power gathered around Loki's hand, shining brighter and brighter as he pulled at it, and reflected in his eyes. With that at his command, he could warp reality to his will and plunge Asgard into a fell frost. He could travel the hidden paths between the realms and return to Earth in conquest.

That temptation shone in his face - a hunger for power that had lived in him before Thanos' influence - but then, he lowered his hand. His skin color restored itself to the familiar shade, as the power's brilliance faded, flowing back into the casket. Loki stepped away and let out a sharp breath, as if it was a physical pain to reject it, but then he turned his head to look at Frigga and gave a little tentative smile that seemed young and hopeful again and made her heart glad.

Unexpectedly, another deep voice called, "We are family, Loki. Always." 

Frigga glanced toward the entry to see Thor standing there, and he walked forward to join them, but his eyes were all on Loki. 

The brothers shared a long look. Loki sank to his knees, head bowed as if overcome, and hid his face with his hands, shaking. 

Thor knelt before him and put both hands on Loki's shoulders. "It is good to see you home."

Loki kept his eyes cast down. "I have… I wronged you. So much. Though I do not deserve it, I- I ask--" he started haltingly. 

"I forgive you," Thor interrupted. "How could I not? When I know it was I who set you on this path? I was thoughtless and reckless; I did not defend you, and I was blind to your pain. Will you forgive me?" he asked, resting his head against his brother's. "And we will start anew, as brothers again."

"Yes," Loki murmured. "I do. I forgive you, Thor. And yes, we start anew. Stronger than before." 

Thor nodded once, and then ordered him sternly with a shake of his shoulders, "Twice you have forced me to watch you die, little brother; swear to me you will never do it again."

Loki clasped Thor's forearms, and lifted his head to meet Thor's eyes. "I swear."

Frigga realized she was smiling, with a sense of utter joy inside. She glanced at Odin, who was watching with satisfied approval. Perhaps now they would have the chance to build the family they should have been - without secrets, without distrust, without pain.

"We will defeat this Thanos creature, together," Thor declared.

Loki's eyes glinted with vengeful fury now directed outward. "We will teach him to fear the royal house of Asgard again."

A grin split Thor's face. "It is good to have you back, brother!" He embraced Loki tightly. Over Thor's shoulder, Loki was first startled and then hugged him back, closing his eyes momentarily in relief. 

Then his eyes opened again and he gasped, "Thor. Bones. Need them."

Thor released him, laughing, with a cuff on the shoulder. "A drink! We need drinks to celebrate!"

* * *

_to be concluded in the next part..._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those of you who commented along the way! It's always such a treat to read people's reactions to various events, and makes long projects like this so much more fun.

* * *

Frigga found Loki on his balcony looking out over the city. He had not stirred from his room in a day, despite Thor's cajoling, claiming residual weakness from the wound, but she knew it was more than that.

She joined him. "You seem troubled, my son."

His hands rested on the wall, and his gaze stayed on the towers and fields beyond the outer wall. She looked at his profile, his expression lost and desolate, and mourned the change from her bright amusing boy, but she realized the only true change was that he had stopped pretending nothing hurt him. It would take time for him to recover, and while she missed the lighter heart, she would much rather have the truth.

His voice was low, as he confessed, "I remember everything. It was all me. I did nothing against my will; I merely stopped caring about the consequences."

She hesitated to choose her words carefully, knowing Loki was still in a fragile state of healing. "The flowers seem the same when a shadow lies upon the garden, but the colors are different."

He shook his head in denial. "Yet if they are poisonous in the shadow, do they not remain poisonous in the light?" 

She held back a sigh. Clever child to manipulate her metaphor and stubbornly refuse her attempted comfort. "Your flowers are not poisonous, Loki. Your anger and resentment was the poisonous soil they grew in, but your heart is good and whole."

"No," he whispered. "It is not. I once told someone that there could be no forgiveness for her crimes; what forgiveness is there for me, who sought the deaths of countless innocents? I wanted to crush them, I wanted them at my feet. It felt **right**."

She knew she could not tell him it was not him at all - it was neither true nor helpful. "It was your darker impulses. Like your tricks that skirt cruelty, when you use your powers against those who cannot defend themselves." He bent his head, and she folded her hand around his where it lay on the top of the balcony rail. "Thanos took that impulse and exploited it. He took your one nightshade flower and made it your entire field." 

He snorted a little laugh in spite of himself. "I think I must agree with you, or you will continue to torture the flowers with gardening metaphor." 

She smiled and was more pleased when he tucked his fingers between hers to hold tightly. She added, "The point is, it is a part of you, not the whole. And when Thanos trapped you in your anger, you could not resist those impulses. He showed you power and gave you what you thought you wanted, and few could resist that, Loki. Yet you fought him and in the end, you won."

"This feels very little like victory," he murmured. 

"It is the most important of all. None of us is perfect, Loki - not Thor, not me, not your father. Even after so many years of life and great wisdom, the Allfather admits mistake and regret. Thor has shed a thousand years of carelessness; he has grown in wisdom from these terrible events, and so have you. It would be a poor use of our longevity if we did not grow from our experiences." 

He still seemed resistant, and she knew she could not absolve him of all of it, however much she longed to help ease him. "Carry what responsibility is yours, put aside what is not," she advised. "Vow to do better, to be better. Learn from your mistakes. That is all any can ask of you." 

"That seems too easy," he said after a moment.

"Family forgives one another. But you have not faced those to whom you owe a greater debt. That will not be easy."

He glanced down at their joined hands. "You saved me. When everyone believed I was lost, myself included, you still believed."

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I am wise to your tricks. Even when you try to hide from yourself, little one."

"Not so little anymore," he retorted but sounded amused as he tilted his head against hers with an affectionate reminder that he topped her by a hand. He lifted his head again to look out to the city, saying in a soft voice, "I meant only to interrupt the coronation, none of the rest. But it kept growing beyond all expectation, and I tried to ride the wave I thought would carry me to higher places. But it was taking me to death and darkness, and I did not see it. I would not have cared, if I did." He let out a sigh. "So much trouble for one worth so little." 

She squeezed his hand. "You are worth saving, child. But if you do not believe so, then it falls on you to act in ways that will make it true for yourself," she told him. "You must prove that we were right to believe in you."

"But… I cannot make it right, Mother. I cannot undo what I did." Regret threaded his voice, choking it out to silence, and she wondered what he was remembering in particular, before he added more thoughtfully, "Perhaps… I could use the power of the Casket to travel in time…"

Alarmed by the thought, because Loki **would** try that if he thought he could, she said in haste, "No. You cannot undo what has been done. Nor are there magic scales to measure one deed to another, until all balances again. But all the same, where you did great harm, you also have the potential for great good. You need only use it."

"And do what?" he asked, voice thick and uncertain. "I have nowhere to go. Inside here, with you, I am myself, but out there - " he gestured to the city and stars beyond with his free hand. "Outside, I am the traitor. The villain. The monster. I hear the whispers - they say I plotted to murder you all, and when that failed, I sided with our enemy and tried to destroy Midgard. Some may say I went mad, some will say my restitution is an evil deception, but none will trust me." 

"Some will say that," she acknowledged. "We should perform a formal reconciliation ceremony to announce that you are home and you are healed, that will help. But no, it will not be easy on you. You will have to re-earn trust and respect from those you deceived and hurt." 

He slumped, seeming defeated. "I cannot re-earn what I never had."

"From fewer than you believe, Loki." She paused and looked at him again, sensing a lingering bitterness beneath. "And? What more?" 

His jaw worked before he answered, eyes glinting, "And what of those who betrayed and deceived **me**? Why should I earn their respect, when they have none of mine?" 

She held back a sigh. So many bridges to rebuild, so many hurts to heal. "Why? Because they did not know, Loki. Because you are the son of a king and so you must show the greater wisdom and keep the realm strong." He did not seem mollified by that reasoning, and she recalled his bitter words denying his friends. She would have to bring him and Sif to accord, somehow, for Thor's sake, but also for their own. They had been close once, and bringing that friendship back would do more to help Loki than any words. And where Sif went, the others would follow. 

They would all need to fight together, and trust one another again. "I fear you will not lack for opportunity to prove your worth to any who doubt you."

He glanced at her with a curious frown and she reminded him, shivering, "Thanos comes, with his army and his servants and all of his evil. I remember the devastation and death of that war before. You will have your chance."

"Thanos. I hope he comes," Loki said in a voice quiet but intent and cold with tempered rage. He pulled his hand free of hers to curl his into fists on top of the wall and he stared into his memories of dark places and darker powers. "I know him now. He tried to hide his identity from me, but I know the taste of his power and the deep crevices of his mind as no one in Asgard ever has before. He will curse my name before I end him."

"There is no way to end him. He is an Eternal, blessed by the Celestials. It is impossible." 

"Everything that exists can be unmade. There is a way, and I will find it." His eyes narrowed, and he swore in a softer voice, more to himself, "He will fear me. I swear."

She felt a chill of foreboding. "Loki, you cannot confront him alone. I know you are angry at him, but a solitary path of vengeance is foolish." 

He hesitated and turned toward her with a smile. "No, of course, that was not my intent, Mother. I know it is wiser to battle him together." His hand settled on her shoulder in reassurance. "Come, we should return inside. There is no war, yet, and I would introduce you to a new drink I encountered on Midgard. They cannot rule themselves and their food is fit only for animals, but they are quite inventive with celebratory libations… "

He continued to speak of frivolous things as they returned within his rooms, leaving behind all serious conversation. She let him, deciding what he needed most now was time. Loki was not the only one uncertain of his place -- they all needed to learn how to be a family again. Old resentments unearthed and exposed to the light needed healing. That process had started, not ended.

But then she saw him pass the Casket of Ancient Winters and lay a hand on it. His touch lingered, as if in promise to use the power within to its fullest, and her dread returned. 

_You are powerful, my son, but power is not enough. We stand in the eye of the hurricane, and the fullness of its fury has yet to fall on us. I pray you have the strength of heart to withstand it and not lose yourself in vengeance._

Yet each day that Thanos gave them free of war, was a day she could heal her son and grow the bonds between her family a little stronger, and that was the victory she desired most of all. 

 

_the end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: both "Next Work" links go to the next story in the sequence: _Hail of Shadows_. 
> 
> The difference between the two series is that the "Tales from the Storm" series includes backstory/related ficlets, in addition to the main Understanding the Storm sequence in my preferred order of reading.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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